"Some people think that competition between young people should be encouraged while others believe cooperation should be encouraged. Discuss both points of view and then give your own opinion."
There is an ongoing debate regarding, what should be encouraged among
young
generation. A group of individuals believe thatAdd an article
the young
,
we ought to foster Remove the comma
apply
competition
among youngesters
. Correct your spelling
youngsters
However
, others claim that,
cooperation must be motivated. In my opinion, Remove the comma
apply
competition
is vital for significant feature improvements.
Examining the former opinions, the primary argument the supporters would put forward is that competition
between young
generation ought to be encouraged. Correct article usage
the young
This
is because, in competitive situations
children focus only on Add a comma
situations,
one
goal, therefore
in order to achieve that they will progress every day and expand their skills in order to reach to
their Change preposition
apply
aime
. Correct your spelling
aim
In addition
, they also
believe that,
Remove the comma
apply
competition
motivates them to correct their mistakes that affect negatively on
their performance. Change preposition
apply
For instance
, my brother hardly pased
math Correct your spelling
passed
based
exam
Fix the agreement mistake
exams
last
year and he was careless about it but, when a new student in his class got full
mark, he started studying hard for Add an article
the full
a full
this
year and focusing only on his education and how to improve his skills for that as a result
, he got full marks in math. It
inevitable that when children compete with Add a verb
It is
It was
one
another they get more motivated and show the best of themselves.
On the contrary
, those in favor
of the latter opinion have their own argument. Change the spelling
favour
To begin
with, they claim that Cooperation should be fostered among youngsters. The main reason is that,
multiple people thinking on Remove the comma
apply
one
task can achieve the best results and also
finish it faster. When individuals work as a group together they can use the best skill from each one
of the members in order to successfully finish a task.
To conclude
and offer my position, there are convincing arguments both for and against encouraging cooperation or competition
between young
generation. Correct article usage
the young
However
, I certainly favor
the latter opinion.Change the spelling
favour
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task response
While the essay provides a complete response to the task, it would benefit from more nuanced points for both views. Try to expand on the arguments for cooperation with more depth and relevant examples.
coherence cohesion
The essay maintains a logical structure and clear progression, yet the transitions between points can be smoother. Consider improving the flow between paragraphs with more connecting phrases.
language
Pay attention to grammatical issues and awkward phrasing for enhanced clarity. Proofreading your work or having someone review it before submission can help identify and correct these errors.
task response
The introduction clearly outlines both points of view, setting the stage for a balanced discussion.
coherence cohesion
The conclusion effectively summarizes the discussion and clearly states your position, which is an important element for a high-scoring essay.
task response
The use of a personal anecdote helps in making your point about competition more relatable and engaging.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.
Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.
When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.
Linking words for giving examples:
- for example
- for instance
- to illustrate this
- to give a clear example
- such as
- namely
- to illustrate
- take, for example