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Writing Samples
Band 7.5

Some people believe that you should strictly control your children’s behavior, while some others believe children should be free to choose their behavior. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

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There has been a long question about whether we should strictly control our
children
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's behaviour or let them be free to choose
such
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 things. Based on my own opinion,
both
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 views are acceptable depending on the situation whether the older ones require their
children
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 to be well-behaved or behave independently.
This
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 essay will discuss
both
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 eyesights before presenting my own opinion. On the one hand, we should straightly manage our offspring because they have no initial circumstances apart from what we teach them. Teaching them in
such
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 a good manner will affect their future behaviours.
For example
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,
children
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 who have been taught how to behave politely in a party will keep that lesson in mind, so later in the future they will do so without being commanded.
On the other hand
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, the proponents argue that pre-mature individuals should be free to define their own behaviour without being interrupted by the older ones. Letting the young choose the path will allow them to learn how to be an independent creature.
For instance
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, the young acquire critical thinking skills and behave independently because they get used to carefully choosing their own way with all the risks included. In my opinion, the two aspects are incredibly acceptable based on the situation and the needs. If the outputs needed are about a good manner, the parents should teach their litters tightly;
however
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, if they need their
children
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 to behave more independently, they have to set them free. In conclusion, there is still a debate about whether
children
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 should be strictly controlled or not.
Both
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 have their own merits
such
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 as teaching them a good manner or teaching them to behave independently. it is true that
both
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 are applicable depending on the situation and the needs of the parents.

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task achievement
Ensure each body paragraph fully develops one main idea to enhance clarity and depth of discussion.
task achievement
Provide more specific examples to fully illustrate your points and strengthen your arguments.
task achievement
Try to refine your arguments for better clarity and comprehension.
coherence and cohesion
Be cautious with word choices like "eyesights," which can be replaced with more appropriate terminology such as "perspectives."
coherence and cohesion
Work on the logical flow between sentences to ensure the essay is easy to follow.
coherence and cohesion
Strong introduction and conclusion that clearly address both perspectives and provide a personal opinion.
task achievement
The essay examines both points of view, which is important for a well-rounded discussion.
task achievement
Relevant examples like teaching children to behave politely at a party add value to the argument.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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