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Band 2.5

some children spend hours every day on their smartphones. why is this the case? Do you think this is a positive or a negetive development?

#children #hours #smartphones #case #negetive #development
Some minors are busy with their
smartphones
 for hours
everyday
Replace the word
every day
show examples
 it is because they find it amusing. In my opinion
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
the advantages of
this
 development
outweight
Correct your spelling
outweigh
 the disadvantages. In my
opinion
Add a comma
opinion,
show examples
 the main reason
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
this
 issue is that parents should control the usage of
smartphones
of
Change preposition
by
show examples
 their kids . Recent researches show that using
smartphones
release
Correct subject-verb agreement
releases
show examples
 dopamine (pleasure hormone) in
brain
Add an article
the brain
show examples
 and it makes
hard
Correct pronoun usage
it hard
show examples
 for humans to put their phones away. Another reason is that they find hobbies and games they
cant
Correct your spelling
can't
show examples
 find in real life.
On the other hand
,
smartphones
 made knowledge and science more accessible than ever.
kids
Capitalize word
Kids
show examples
 all over the world have equal access to
this
 great source. Now everyone can participate in online classes
for example
 in covid19 pandemic every student thas had
smartphone
Correct article usage
a smartphone
show examples
 could participate in online classes.
This
 source of knowledge can help children to explore
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
different jobs and university majors so they can find their path for
future
Correct article usage
the future
show examples
. In conclusion, if parents limit their
children
Change noun form
children's
show examples
 usage of
smartphones
 it could benefit their life and their future.
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coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph contains a clear central idea and that this central idea is fully developed and supported with relevant examples.
coherence cohesion
Be cautious about grammatical mistakes and typographical errors. Both the accuracy and presentation of language affect the coherence of arguments.
task achievement
Develop your ideas more comprehensively, providing balanced arguments for both sides. This will lead to a more nuanced and mature essay.
coherence cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion were clear and provided a good overview of your perspective.
task achievement
You addressed the prompt and provided reasons why children spend time on smartphones and your opinion on its impact.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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