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Band 4.5

Nowadays , there is more and more competiton for getting university . Is this positive or negative development ?

#competiton #university #development
There is a lot of competition for getting into university .
This
 trend will be helpful for skilled
students
although
 they might be depressed during exams .
Students
 will work on themselves more in order to get to university . It will increase their knowledge and will help to sharpen their brains . For that , nowadays ,
students
 are increasingly who are talented and intelligent and know their work .
For example
 , the IQ level of
students
 who are studying in the United States . For that, there are numerous
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
competition
Fix the agreement mistake
competitions
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 rather than in other countries .
On the other hand
 , it will bring health and mental problems to
students
 who are studying hard for passing exams .
This
 hard work demands spending more time
instead
 of sleeping . After that , a lot of negative effects will be brought to those who cannot enter the universities . It will cause bad conditions even if it might finished by suicide.
For example
 , 10 per cent of
students
 are dying who do not enter university in South Korea .
Overall
 , it is a good development for
students
 who love their orientation
while
 it is creating wrong decisions for others.
Submitted by makemoneyizzy16 on

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task achievement
Work on fully developing your main points to ensure they are well-supported and elaborate on examples, connecting them clearly to your arguments.
coherence cohesion
Strive for a more varied sentence structure to enhance readability and ensure the essay flows smoothly from one point to the next.
task achievement
The introduction clearly states the viewpoint and sets the stage for the argument.
task achievement
The essay addresses both positive and negative consequences of the competition for university placement, showing a balanced discussion.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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