In some countries, more and more people are hiring a personal fitness trainer, rather than playing sports or doing exercise classes. What are the reasons for this? Is this a positive or a negative development?
Nowadays,
variety
of lifestyles have been accepted by Correct article usage
a variety
the
modern society. One of the trends is that people have been hiring personal Correct article usage
apply
trainers
for maintaining
their health Change preposition
to maintain
instead
of attending exercise classes or joining sports clubs. There are some reasons behind this
trend and I personally think that it is a negative development.
The first point to mention is that lifstyle
has changed significantly compared to the past, which is why individuals tend to hire personal Correct your spelling
lifestyle
trainers
as it is easier for them to arrange their time to exercise. For instance
, if one has a job that requires them to work different hours each day, they will not be able to register fixed scheduled clubs. Whereas
, if those busy people hire personal trainers
, it will be flexible in terms of the time for them to exercise, which is why they prefer this
way.
However
, as far as I am concerned, this
trend has a negative impact on the public when it comes to developing their communities. It is true that being a part of sports
club in their local area will help individuals to expand their relationships as they can interact with a wide range of neighbours. Add an article
a sports
However
, if a person who
Correct pronoun usage
apply
hire
a trainer and does not have any interactions with their community, they will be isolated in the area. Change the verb form
hires
This
will result in the feeling of lonliness
and Correct your spelling
loneliness
this
is not mentally healthy for them.
To conclude
, more and more people have been hiring personal fitness trainers
because their life
have become busier than a decade ago. Fix the agreement mistake
lives
However
, I strongly believe that this
trend has a negative impact on individuals in terms of their mental health as they will not be able to build relationships with others in their community.Submitted by hiromi.1828.o on
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coherence cohesion
Try to clearly define each point in its own paragraph. For example, the point about flexibility in scheduling and the point about community interaction could each be expanded upon separately.
task achievement
Avoid small grammatical errors such as 'lifstyle' instead of 'lifestyle' and 'lonliness' instead of 'loneliness'. While these do not heavily impact your score, they can affect readability.
task achievement
Adding more specific examples or statistics could strengthen your arguments and make them more convincing.
coherence cohesion
The essay is logically structured, making it easy to follow the writer's arguments.
task achievement
A good balance between discussing both the reason for the trend and its positive or negative impacts.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are both present and are relevant to the topic.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.