IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

It is generally believed that some people are born with certain talents, for instance for sport or music, and others are not. However, it is sometimes claimed that any child can be taught to become a good sports person or musician.

#people #talents #sport #music #child #sports #person #musician
Nowadays
vast
Add an article
the vast
a vast
show examples
 majority of
people
 believe that
children
born
Add a missing verb
are born
show examples
 with specific types of talents
such
 as
talent
 in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
sport
Fix the agreement mistake
sports
show examples
 or music,
while
Correct article usage
the other
show examples
other
Fix the agreement mistake
others
show examples
part
Change the wording
parts
show examples
 think that every
child
 can be
good
Correct article usage
a good
show examples
 sportsman or musician if he
will
Wrong verb form
works
show examples
work
hardly
Rephrase
hard
show examples
 with
right
Add an article
the right
show examples
 training. A commonly held belief is that every
child
 has their own
talent
 which they gain when they
born
Add a missing verb
are born
show examples
.
As evidence
Correct word choice
Evidence
show examples
 of
this
 point can be recent research
of
Change preposition
from
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
Istanbul University which provides data that talents can
be inherit
Change the verb form
be inherited
show examples
 from the person’s ancestors. Scientists
of
Change preposition
at
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
Istanbul University explore different family trees of
people
 and claim information that
type
Correct article usage
the type
show examples
 of
talent
 that appeared many years ago, was found in the latest generation of the same genetic tree.
Furthermore
, there are a plethora of popular and successful celebrities
which
Correct pronoun usage
who
show examples
 gain
talent
 in the specific
sphere
 without hard
work
.
For instance
, Michael Jordan - one of the
well-known
Correct quantifier usage
most well-known
show examples
peoples
Fix the agreement mistake
people
show examples
 in the sport, said that he reached
goals
Correct pronoun usage
his goals
show examples
 and
become
Wrong verb form
became
show examples
 very successful effortlessly without
great
Add an article
a great
show examples
 amount of
work
. It could be explained by the fact that different
people
 have different genes and
as a result
 have different types of strengths. Because of
it
Correct pronoun usage
this
show examples
, there is
believes
Verb problem
a belief
show examples
 that
children
 gain
talent
 when they
born
Add a missing verb
are born
show examples
.
On the other hand
, some
people
 claim that if
child
Add an article
the child
a child
show examples
will be
Wrong verb form
is
show examples
 trained in the right way,
then
 he/she can be successful in
the
Remove the article
apply
show examples
every
sphere
.
For example
, they may mention Albert Einstein’s word which means that every
child
born
Add a missing verb
is born
show examples
 as a genius. So they may choose every
sphere
 where to improve and will become strong in any of them.
In addition
, there are
also
 a number of celebrities
which
Correct pronoun usage
who
show examples
 reach their goals only with discipline and hard
work
.
For instance
, Cristiano Ronaldo, Michael Jackson
and
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
etc.
Therefore
, it is wrong to be hardly confident that
children
 get their talents when they
born
Add a missing verb
are born
show examples
. In conclusion, taking everything mentioned above into account I would say that if
children
will be
Wrong verb form
are
show examples
 taught in the right way with suitable methods,
then
 everybody can reach success in every
sphere
 that they want.
Submitted by dnm.best on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

grammar
Make sure to proofread your essay to correct grammatical errors and improve sentence structure. Simplify some of the sentences to make them clearer.
coherence
Work on improving the logical flow between paragraphs. Use more linking words and phrases to connect your ideas better.
development
Develop each point a bit more thoroughly. Add one or two more examples to support your arguments and make sure each paragraph ties back to your main thesis.
examples
You provided relevant and specific examples to support your points, such as mentioning Michael Jordan and Cristiano Ronaldo.
task engagement
Your essay addresses both sides of the argument and offers a clear conclusion, which shows a strong attempt to engage with the task.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

You are not ready for IELTS Speaking, if you

  • Can’t speak smoothly without pauses.
  • Use simple words and lack vocabulary.
  • Feel nervous and anxious when speaking.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • Innate talent
  • Nurture
  • Prodigy
  • Proficiency
  • Deliberate practice
  • Physiological factors
  • Grit
  • Perseverance
  • Cultural norms
  • Structured training
  • Physical predisposition
  • Natural aptitude
  • Dedicated training
  • Societal influence
  • Passion
  • Genetic endowment
  • Skill acquisition
  • Expertise
  • Extracurricular activities
  • Mastery
  • Cognitive abilities
What to do next:
Look at other essays:

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!