Nowadays, young people admire sports stars though they often do not set a good example. Do you think this is a positive or negative development?

Admiring
sport
Change the noun form
sports
show examples
stars
is
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
commonly
occured
Correct your spelling
occurs
by young
people
, even though the
stars
do not show a good
example
in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society. I generally think that
this
is a negative development because their
behaviour
can easily
influence
others, particularly
children
. Having a bad attitude by
sport
Change the noun form
sports
show examples
stars
can unconsciously
influence
people
's
behaviour
because they tend to watch their
stars
all the time. By watching their
stars
frequently,
people
will normalise all behaviours
from
Change preposition
of
show examples
their
stars
, including their bad
behaviour
.
Hence
,
people
will find it difficult to differentiate between
good
Correct article usage
a good
show examples
or bad attitude.
For
example
, famous
sport
Change the noun form
sports
show examples
stars
who love to consume alcohol might
influence
some
people
to do so because they think it is normal to do the same thing.
Moreover
, having a bad
example
will affect
development
Add an article
the development
show examples
of
young
Correct article usage
the young
show examples
generation, particularly
on
Change preposition
apply
show examples
children
. It is because
children
do not have mental stability and enough filter or differentiate good and bad examples, leading to be influenced by all behaviours of their
sport
Change the noun form
sports
show examples
stars
. Without
accompanied
Add a missing verb
being accompanied
show examples
by adults,
children
will
have
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
misunderstanding
Wrong verb form
misunderstand
show examples
to see
this
as a common thing that might be done by them as well.
For
example
, having a bad attitude by some football players during
match
Add an article
the match
a match
show examples
,
such
saying
Change preposition
as saying
show examples
a bad words
Correct the article-noun agreement
bad words
a bad word
show examples
and showing
unsportmanship
Correct your spelling
unsporting
can
influence
children
to do
same
Change the article
the same
show examples
thing when they have
football
Add an article
a football
show examples
match. In conclusion, admiring
sport
Change the noun form
sports
show examples
stars
can bring some negative developments because some young
people
do not have enough
filter
Fix the agreement mistake
filters
show examples
to differentiate their
stars
Change noun form
star's
stars'
show examples
behaviour
which will
influence
young
people
to do the same thing.
Submitted by bhaswarawira on

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task achievement
Try to add more specific examples to make your points stronger and more convincing.
coherence cohesion
Work on varying sentence structures and using more cohesive devices to enhance the logical flow of your essay.
task achievement
The essay presents a clear and complete response to the prompt, addressing the idea of sports stars setting bad examples and its impact on young people.
coherence cohesion
Your introduction effectively sets up the argument, and the conclusion neatly summarizes the main points discussed.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • admire
  • role model
  • excellence
  • hard work
  • dedication
  • cheating
  • misconduct
  • critical evaluation
  • guidance
  • positive influence
  • negative influence
  • inspiration
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