Nowadays, young people admire sports stars though they often do not set a good example. Do you think this is a positive or negative development?

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Admiring
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sport
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sports
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stars
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is
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apply
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commonly
occured
Correct your spelling
occurs
by young
people
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, even though the
stars
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do not show a good
example
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in
the
Correct article usage
apply
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society. I generally think that
this
Linking Words
is a negative development because their
behaviour
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can easily
influence
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others, particularly
children
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. Having a bad attitude by
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sport
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sports
show examples
stars
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can unconsciously
influence
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people
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's
behaviour
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because they tend to watch their
stars
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all the time. By watching their
stars
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frequently,
people
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will normalise all behaviours
from
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of
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their
stars
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, including their bad
behaviour
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.
Hence
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,
people
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will find it difficult to differentiate between
good
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a good
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or bad attitude.
For
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example
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, famous
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sport
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sports
show examples
stars
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who love to consume alcohol might
influence
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some
people
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to do so because they think it is normal to do the same thing.
Moreover
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, having a bad
example
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will affect
development
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the development
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of
young
Correct article usage
the young
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generation, particularly
on
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apply
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children
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. It is because
children
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do not have mental stability and enough filter or differentiate good and bad examples, leading to be influenced by all behaviours of their
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sport
Change the noun form
sports
show examples
stars
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. Without
accompanied
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being accompanied
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by adults,
children
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will
have
Unnecessary verb
apply
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misunderstanding
Wrong verb form
misunderstand
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to see
this
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as a common thing that might be done by them as well.
For
Linking Words
example
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, having a bad attitude by some football players during
match
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the match
a match
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,
such
Linking Words
saying
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as saying
show examples
a bad words
Correct the article-noun agreement
bad words
a bad word
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and showing
unsportmanship
Correct your spelling
unsporting
can
influence
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children
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to do
same
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the same
show examples
thing when they have
football
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a football
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match. In conclusion, admiring
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sport
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sports
show examples
stars
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can bring some negative developments because some young
people
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do not have enough
filter
Fix the agreement mistake
filters
show examples
to differentiate their
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stars
Change noun form
star's
stars'
show examples
behaviour
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which will
influence
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young
people
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to do the same thing.

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task achievement
Try to add more specific examples to make your points stronger and more convincing.
coherence cohesion
Work on varying sentence structures and using more cohesive devices to enhance the logical flow of your essay.
task achievement
The essay presents a clear and complete response to the prompt, addressing the idea of sports stars setting bad examples and its impact on young people.
coherence cohesion
Your introduction effectively sets up the argument, and the conclusion neatly summarizes the main points discussed.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • admire
  • role model
  • excellence
  • hard work
  • dedication
  • cheating
  • misconduct
  • critical evaluation
  • guidance
  • positive influence
  • negative influence
  • inspiration
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