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Band 4.5

The continued rise in the world’s population is the greatest problem faced by humanity at the present times. What are the causes of this continued rise? Do you agree that it is the greatest problem faced by humanity?

#rise #world’s #population #humanity #times
The world's
population
 is
continuesly
Correct your spelling
continuously
 rising, and it is the greatest
problem
humanily
Correct your spelling
humans
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
 facing at present. The causes of
population
growth
 are
people
 are not interested in birth control, and they do not understand the harmful effects of
population
 rise. I agree that it is the greatest
problem
 humanity is encountering because it hampers the progress of the economy.
People
 from underdeveloped and developing countries
do
Verb problem
are
show examples
 not interested in birth control.
This
 happens because of their strong religious and cultural beliefs.
Moreover
,
people
 are not aware of the harmful consequences of
population
 rise. Most of the
people
 from underdeveloped countries are illiterate or have low literacy.
Therefore
, they do not know how
population
growth
effects
Replace the word
affects
show examples
 a
country
's
economical
Replace the word
economic
show examples
 progress.
For example
,
people
 from Bangladesh
have
Verb problem
are
show examples
 uneducated, and they do not understand the harmful effects of
population
. I personally agree that
population
 rise is the greatest
problem
 humanity is facing. It restricts the
economical
Replace the word
economic
show examples
growth
 of a
country
. When a
country
's
economical
Replace the word
economic
show examples
 progress is low, it will not have enough money in the central bank, and can not meet all the basic needs of
it's
Replace the word
its
show examples
population
.
As a result
, the
country
 faces hunger, poverty, illiteracy and many other problems.
For example
, India is one of the
overpopulated
Correct quantifier usage
most overpopulated
show examples
country
Change to a plural noun
countries
show examples
 in the world, and because of the
overpolulation
Correct your spelling
overpopulation
,
this
country
 is facing trouble with providing food, accommodation,
sanitation
Correct word choice
and sanitation
show examples
 facilities to
it's
Replace the word
its
show examples
 citizens.
Population
growth
 is the greatest
problem
world
Correct article usage
the world
show examples
 is facing today. It minimizes the economic
growth
 of a
country
 and
therefore
, the
country
 faces problems in
proving
Verb problem
providing
show examples
 basic needs to its citizens.
Submitted by rahman_rehana on

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task achievement
Ensure that your essay has a clear and precise thesis statement in the introduction to set the tone for your response. The introduction should better outline the causes and consequences of the population rise. Defining these points more explicitly would enhance the overall structure.
coherence cohesion
Attempt to form clearer topic sentences for each paragraph that directly address the question prompts. This will help in maintaining focus and relevance throughout the essay.
task achievement
Enhance your explanations and examples. Although there are some examples provided, such as those concerning Bangladesh and India, try to provide more detailed and specific examples to strongly support your point of view.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph transitions smoothly to the next. The logical flow can be improved by using more linking phrases and by more clearly connecting the argument back to the central thesis in the conclusion.
task achievement
The essay directly responds to the question prompts by identifying causes of population growth and evaluating its impact on humanity. It addresses both parts of the task.
task achievement
The writer presents a clear point of view and maintains a consistent perspective throughout the essay, which helps in addressing the task effectively.
task achievement
Some paragraphs provide concrete examples to illustrate the points, such as those mentioning the situations in Bangladesh and India. These examples help in clarifying the argument.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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