IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

The continued rise in the world’s population is the greatest problem faced by humanity at the present times. What are the causes of this continued rise? Do you agree that it is the greatest problem faced by humanity?

#rise #world’s #population #humanity #times
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Some
people
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 argue that the continued
rise
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 in the
population
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 of the world is the greatest
problem
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 encountered by humanity at present. The causes of
this
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 continued
rise
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 are ignorance of
people
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 about the harmful effects of
overpopulation
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 and not having proper
access
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 to
birth
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control
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 materials. I personally believe that it is the greatest
problem
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 encountered by humanity because
due to
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overpopulation
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people
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 cannot get equal
access
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 to their basic needs. Ignorance of
people
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 about the detrimental effect of
overpopulation
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 is the primary cause of
population
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rise
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. Many
people
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due to
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 their low literacy level do not understand and believe the harmful effect of
population
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rise
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.
As a result
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, these
people
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 are not conscious of
birth
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control
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, which
contribute
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contributes
show examples
 to
population
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rise
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. Another reason for
population
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rise
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 is not having proper
access
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 to
birth
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control
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 materials. Many
people
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 from
underdevepoled
Correct your spelling
underdeveloped
 and developing countries cannot afford
birth
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control
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 items because of their high prices, and
therefore
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, they cannot
control
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birth
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.
This
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also
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contribute
Change the verb form
contributes
show examples
 to
population
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rise
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.
For instance
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, in Bangladesh, many women from rural areas say they cannot
control
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birth
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 despite
having
Unnecessary verb
apply
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their wishes only because they cannot afford
birth
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control
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 pills. I personally believe that
population
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rise
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 is the greatest
problem
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 encountered by humanity because
overpopulation
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 restricts everyone
to
Change preposition
from accessing
show examples
access
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 their basic needs equally.
People
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 cannot afford their basic needs which are food, accommodation,
clothings
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clothing
items of clothing
articles of clothing
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, education, and healthcare. If a country has a huge
population
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 compared to the resources it has, it will be hard for the
people
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 of that country to meet all their basic needs.
For example
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, India has 120 million
population
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 which is huge compared to the resources it has.
Therefore
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,
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people
Correct article usage
the people
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 of
this
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 country cannot meet all their needs and suffer from poverty
and
Correct word choice
apply
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unemployment and
others
Correct quantifier usage
other
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 issues. In conclusion, the reasons for
population
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 growth are ignorance of
people
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 and shortage of
birth
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control
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 materials.
Population
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 growth is the greatest
problem
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 because it restricts the accessibility to basic needs.
Submitted by rahman_rehana on

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language
Consider using a wider range of vocabulary to further enhance your argument and make your points more compelling.
content
Attempt to provide more varied examples across different contexts such as cultural or economic scenarios to strengthen your argument.
content
Try to elaborate more on the solution aspect or other potential perspectives to present a well-rounded essay.
structure
The essay has a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion, making it easy to follow.
content
The arguments are well-reasoned and supported by relevant examples, such as the situation in Bangladesh and India.
language
Coherence and cohesion are well-maintained throughout the essay, with effective use of transition words connecting various ideas.
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