IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3

Governments give a lot of support to artists, even though some people think it is a waste of money that could have been used elsewhere. Discuss both veiws and give your opinion.

#governments #support #artists #people #waste #money #veiws
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Some would argue that
government
Correct article usage
the government
show examples
 donating lots of money to artists,
while
 others believe it must be spent in more important places. I agree with assisting talented people because they may influent others to generate ideas that could help the community in the future. On the one hand, spending a
major
Correct word choice
large
show examples
 amount of money
could not
Wrong verb form
cannot
show examples
 assure that it will be reflected positively.
For example
, bringing expensive machines or instruments to the Ministry of Health can complete the requirements of one or two hospitals not all, and not all of the citizens of the country can be helped in these facilities. I believe that
this
 is true, supporting one ministry comes with benefits ,but not treating all problems.
On the other hand
, there are those
that
Correct pronoun usage
who
show examples
 believe the government need to give artists more money and opportunities.
For instance
, artists,actors, and singers can share their messages with other nations around the world
especially
Add the comma(s)
, especially
show examples
 with songs by singers which can help suffering from depression. I totally agree with
this
 statement and I believe that
government
Correct article usage
the government
show examples
 must do it in order gain its benefits.
Submitted by rayan.mataq on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

introduction conclusion
Strengthen your introduction by clearly stating the issue and summarizing the points you will discuss. This helps provide a clear roadmap for your essay.
introduction conclusion
Develop a stronger conclusion to summarize your arguments and clearly state your final opinion. This reinforces your key points and gives a sense of closure to the essay.
logical structure
Improve the logical flow between paragraphs by using transition words and ensuring that each paragraph naturally leads to the next. This enhances the overall coherence of the essay.
supported main points
Include more detailed and specific examples to support your main points. This strengthens your arguments and demonstrates your ability to apply theoretical concepts to real-life situations.
complete response
Your essay presents a balanced view, discussing both perspectives on government support for artists and providing your own opinion.
relevant specific examples
You have made an effort to include relevant specific examples, such as mentioning the impact of artists, actors, and singers on mental health.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: