The increasing use of smartphones in education is helping students access more information. However,it can also be a source of distraction. Discuss the advantages and disadvantages of smartphones in education.
The ongoing discourse concerning the
rising
of Replace the word
rise
smartphones
in Education is improve learning or distracts
Correct subject-verb agreement
distract
students
attention has sparked Change noun form
students'
student's
fervant
debates. Correct your spelling
fervent
While
both viewpoints present valid arguments
, I am to delve into each perspective in detail, ultimately aligning with the former position as the more compelling stance.
On the on
hand, supporters of using Correct your spelling
one
smartphones
during the lessons present strong arguments
backed by convincing evidence. One notable point is that using of
gadgets allows for a deeper understanding and mastery of many fields. To illustrate, many of the Change preposition
apply
youngs
are Correct your spelling
young
as
Change preposition
apply
genius
in many developed countries, since allowed using of Add an article
a genius
smartphones
in education. For instance
so
people claim that 97 Correct word choice
apply
percent
of Chinese, Change the spelling
per cent
93percent
of Japanese as ingenious. Correct word choice
and 93percent
This
clearly demonstrates the significance of this
perspective. Additionally
, another key point to consider is that specialization can lead to becoming an expert in any areas
, which is highly valued in many professional fields. Fix the agreement mistake
area
For example
Jacob English, Azam
Teacher Change noun form
Azam's
dedication
to the study of many languages by Wrong verb form
was dedicated
phone
and earned approximately her
5 international certificates and Correct pronoun usage
apply
immens
respect in the scientific community. Correct your spelling
immense
This
further
strengthens the case for specialization, highlighting its importance, especially for those aiming for excellence in their careers.
Conversely
, proponents of phone
distraction have their own strong arguments
worth considering. They fervently argue that it can increase illiterate in the
societies by Correct article usage
apply
distract
students. Wrong verb form
distracting
For
instance
the Indian Add a comma
instance,
youngs
Correct your spelling
young
addicted
to playing video games Add a missing verb
are addicted
such
as Pubg and Freefire instead
of lessons. In
Change preposition
As
Correct article usage
a result
result
their societies have been Add a comma
result,
regarding
as Wrong verb form
regarded
a
undeveloped and ignorant. Correct article usage
apply
This
highlights the importance of the alternative angel in this
discussion. Also
noteworthy is the fact that talking with others in love by phone
during the lesson. It is the main obstacle for youngsters whose
are studying. To exemplify, 70 per cent of the Correct pronoun usage
who
uzbek
Change the capitalization
Uzbek
youngs
cannot achieve Correct your spelling
youth
own
future Correct pronoun usage
their own
dream
Fix the agreement mistake
dreams
by
Change preposition
of
phone
distract
and especially love. Replace the word
distraction
This
illustration adds further
value to current
standpoint, making it Correct article usage
the current
compelling
view to consider.
Correct article usage
a compelling
To conclude
, while
both standpoints present compelling arguments
, I personally contend that the earlier belief emerges as the more robust perspective in this
debate. Using smartphones
in education allows for developing the
countries and Correct article usage
apply
improve
knowledge in societies.Wrong verb form
improving
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task achievement
Clarify your thesis statement in the introduction to clearly reflect the position you will be supporting throughout the essay. Currently, the position is not clear.
task achievement
Make sure to proofread and edit your essay to eliminate small grammatical errors and awkward phrasing. This will enhance readability and comprehension.
coherence cohesion
Improve transitions between paragraphs and ideas to ensure a smoother flow of information. Use cohesive devices like 'furthermore,' 'moreover,' and 'in addition' to link ideas.
task achievement
Make sure examples are precise and effectively support your main points. The provided examples seemed somewhat vague and not entirely relevant to the arguments being made.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion, which contributes to coherence and cohesion.
task achievement
You successfully discussed both the advantages and disadvantages of smartphone use in education, showing an understanding of multiple perspectives.
task achievement
The essay attempts to use specific examples to support claims, which is a good practice in providing evidence and strengthening arguments.
Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.
‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.
Examples:
I really want to study but I’m too tired.
I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.
If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.
Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+
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