IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

4. Some people think that schools should select students according to their academic abilities, while others believe that it is beter to have students with different abilities studying together. Discuss both views and state your own opinion.

#people #schools #students #abilities #beter
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In the contemporary world, there are a few
of
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apply
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people thinking schools should select
students
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according to
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 their academic
skills
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,
while
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 others believe it is
beter
Correct your spelling
better
 to have
variety
Add an article
a variety
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 of
student
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 abilities in the same classes. I truly agree that it should provide
students
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in
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with
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same
Correct article usage
the same
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skills
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than
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as
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 in a wide range of
skills
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.
This
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 essay will reveal both
view
Change to a plural noun
views
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 of
this
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 statement on my standpoint in the following paragraphs. On the one hand, there are some aspects of having many abilities studying together. One of the main reasons is
relaxing
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relaxation
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.
This
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 would mean that why the
children
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 have a wide range of academic
skills
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, teacher will teach them
in
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apply
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the
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apply
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average
of
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apply
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academic lessons, which
does
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apply
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push them
in
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under
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 pressure.
For example
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, in English
class
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,
teacher
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the teacher
a teacher
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 will teach all the
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student
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students
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 in
the
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a
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 simple lesson, with no doubt the
student
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 will
be really enjoy
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really enjoy
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 the
class
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.
Moreover
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, the
children
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 could help each other. As can be seen
that
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apply
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when the
students
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 with many talents
study
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 in the room, they will guide their friends with the topic they
good
Add a missing verb
are good
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 with.
Thus
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,
this
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 kind of
class
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 will provide
the
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a
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 positive environment with feelings and actions.
On the other hand
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, despite its detrimental impact, there are several reasons why selecting
students
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 with the same academic
skills
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is
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are
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 important.
Firstly
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,
this
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 could improve the talent
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students
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of students
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.
This
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 is because when the
student
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 with the same talents
study
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 in the same room, they will gain more
their
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apply
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knowledges
Change the wording
knowledge
pieces of knowledge
bits of knowledge
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.
For instance
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, the
mathematics gifted
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mathematics-gifted
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children
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 would learn the
advance
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advanced
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 lesson,
which
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in which
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 their mathematics will
be upgrade
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be upgraded
be upgrading
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 from normal, or they will have
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the possibilites
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possibilites
Correct your spelling
possibility
possibilities
 to learn for the next step from the standard lessons.
Secondly
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, most of the
children
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which
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who
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 have the same level of the academic
ofen
Correct your spelling
often
 have the same interest.
For example
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,
the
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apply
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students
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 who
good
Add a missing verb
are good
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 at music, most of them
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often
ofen
Correct your spelling
often
chooses
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choose
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 to
study
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 at music
class
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 than the other
class
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.
Therefore
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,
the
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apply
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interested
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interest
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 in the same would lead to benefits
to
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for
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 the
students
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 To put it simply, as aforementioned above,
while
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 it is true to say that a wide range of
student
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skills
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 will provide the
student
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 be more relax
while
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 they
study
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, in fact, I personally view that with the same
Correct your spelling
abilities
abilites
Add a comma
abilites,
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 it will improve the
studentskills
Correct your spelling
student skills
, and
also
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 it will provide the interest lesson to the
students
Use synonyms
.
Submitted by jubjangjuda on

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task achievement
Your essay addresses both views and provides your own opinion, which is good. However, make sure to elaborate more on your arguments to make them more convincing.
language
There are some inaccuracies and awkward phrases in your essay. Be mindful of grammar and spelling errors. For example, 'beter' should be 'better' and 'study at music class' should be 'study in a music class'.
coherence cohesion
Your essay structure is clear with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. Ensure each paragraph transitions smoothly to the next to improve coherence.
task achievement
Please work on providing more relevant and specific examples to support your arguments, which can help strengthen your essay.
coherence cohesion
You have a clear introduction and conclusion, which are essential parts of a well-structured essay.
task achievement
Your essay discusses both views, presenting both sides of the argument. This is a good practice to show your balanced understanding of the topic.
coherence cohesion
The intention behind your arguments is clear, and you have a logical flow of ideas.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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