IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

Some parents nowadays put more pressure on their children to succeed. Why is this the case? It is a negative or positive trend?

#parents #pressure #children #case #trend
It is widely recognized that some
parents
 in
this
 day and age tend to apply more
pressure
 on their
offsprings
Fix the agreement mistake
offspring
show examples
 to
achive
Correct your spelling
achieve
goal
Fix the agreement mistake
goals
show examples
 in life.
This
 essay will explain
reasons
Correct article usage
the reasons
show examples
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
this
 phenomenon before concluding that it is more harmful to
children
's
overall
 development. The growing
pressure
 from
parents
 can be attributed to two main factors. The first reason is that
som
Correct your spelling
some
show examples
parents
 want to project their
deam
Correct your spelling
dreams
 onto their
children
.
Due to
parents
' unsuccess
in
Change preposition
at
show examples
their
Change the word
a
show examples
 young age,
thay
Correct your spelling
they
 force
children
 to
fullfil
Correct your spelling
fulfil
 their
dream
Fix the agreement mistake
dreams
show examples
 and make
it
Correct pronoun usage
them
show examples
comes
Correct subject-verb agreement
come
show examples
 true.
Furthermore
, there
exists
Change the verb form
exist
show examples
 some
parents
 who want teenagers to follow
their
Change preposition
in their
show examples
 footsteps or inherit their business
career
Fix the agreement mistake
careers
show examples
. Another reason is that
growth
Correct article usage
the growth
show examples
 of the
expectation
Fix the agreement mistake
expectations
show examples
 of
parents
 nowadays
also
 leads to higher
parents
' ambition. In
to day's
Correct your spelling
today's
show examples
 world, there is more competition in both
study
Correct article usage
the study
show examples
 environment and
labor
Change the spelling
labour
show examples
 market owing to the significant increase of the elite and successful people, who meet more requirements of the social standard.
As a result
,
parents
 assume that if they do not push more
pressure
 on their
children
, they will find
difficult
Correct pronoun usage
it difficult
show examples
in reaching
Change preposition
to reach
show examples
 opportunities in
job
Add an article
the job
show examples
 market and
also
 study research, which
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
regconized
Correct your spelling
recognized
 more limited nowadays.
While
parents
'
intetions
Correct your spelling
intentions
intention
 in pushing their
children
 might not come from a place of love and concern, I would argue that the consequences can be counterproductive.
Firstly
, the overloaded
expection
Correct your spelling
expectation
expectations
 of
parents
 could lead to stress and exhaustion,
children
 are likely to burn out,
their
Correct word choice
and their
show examples
 mental health is
also
 affected negatively.
Secondly
, the relationship between
parents
 and
children
 will become more strained
so
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
that
Correct pronoun usage
which
show examples
 could increase more conflicts and generate
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
detrimental
reflection
Fix the agreement mistake
reflections
show examples
,
children
Change preposition
with children
show examples
 rather
losing
Wrong verb form
lose
show examples
 their motivation to
being
Wrong verb form
be
show examples
 inspired
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
.
Moreover
,
children
 have a tendency to stay away from their
parents
, in some serious cases, they ignore
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
them. In conclusion,
although
parents
 may apply
pressure
 on their
children
 out of genuine care and concern, the adverse effects of
this
pressure
 can be significant.
Submitted by ng.hg.ly28 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

general
Ensure your essay is free of typing and grammatical errors. For instance, 'deam' should be 'dream,' and 'success' should be 'successes.'
task achievement
Your introduction should summarize the reasons briefly and mention that your essay will discuss them in detail.
task achievement
When discussing reasons for parental pressure, providing concrete examples or data can strengthen your argument.
coherence cohesion
Some sentences could be more concise to improve clarity. For example, 'In to day's world' should be 'In today's world.'
introduction conclusion present
Your essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which aids readers in understanding your main points.
logical structure
Your main points are logically structured and generally easy to follow.
supported main points
The arguments you make, such as parental projection of dreams and the competitive environment, are relevant and insightful.

Ultimate Speaking practice for IELTS

Practice speaking step by step, answer real-life questions, and build your confidence. Start your free trial and improve your speaking skills today!
What to do next:
Look at other essays:

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!