IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some parents nowadays put more pressure on their children to succeed. Why is this the case? It is a negative or positive trend?

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It is widely recognized that some
parents
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 in
this
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 day and age tend to apply more
pressure
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 on their
offsprings
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offspring
show examples
 to
achive
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achieve
goal
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goals
show examples
 in life.
This
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 essay will explain
reasons
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the reasons
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of
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for
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this
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 phenomenon before concluding that it is more harmful to
children
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's
overall
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 development. The growing
pressure
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 from
parents
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 can be attributed to two main factors. The first reason is that
som
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some
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parents
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 want to project their
deam
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dreams
 onto their
children
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.
Due to
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parents
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' unsuccess
in
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at
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their
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a
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 young age,
thay
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they
 force
children
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 to
fullfil
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fulfil
 their
dream
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dreams
show examples
 and make
it
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them
show examples
comes
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come
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 true.
Furthermore
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, there
exists
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exist
show examples
 some
parents
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 who want teenagers to follow
their
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in their
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 footsteps or inherit their business
career
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careers
show examples
. Another reason is that
growth
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the growth
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 of the
expectation
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expectations
show examples
 of
parents
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 nowadays
also
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 leads to higher
parents
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' ambition. In
to day's
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today's
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 world, there is more competition in both
study
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the study
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 environment and
labor
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labour
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 market owing to the significant increase of the elite and successful people, who meet more requirements of the social standard.
As a result
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,
parents
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 assume that if they do not push more
pressure
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 on their
children
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, they will find
difficult
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it difficult
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in reaching
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to reach
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 opportunities in
job
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the job
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 market and
also
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 study research, which
are
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is
show examples
regconized
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recognized
 more limited nowadays.
While
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parents
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'
intetions
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intentions
intention
 in pushing their
children
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 might not come from a place of love and concern, I would argue that the consequences can be counterproductive.
Firstly
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, the overloaded
expection
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expectation
expectations
 of
parents
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 could lead to stress and exhaustion,
children
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 are likely to burn out,
their
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and their
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 mental health is
also
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 affected negatively.
Secondly
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, the relationship between
parents
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 and
children
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 will become more strained
so
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apply
show examples
that
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which
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 could increase more conflicts and generate
the
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apply
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detrimental
reflection
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reflections
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,
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children
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with children
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 rather
losing
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lose
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 their motivation to
being
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be
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 inspired
it
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apply
show examples
.
Moreover
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,
children
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 have a tendency to stay away from their
parents
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, in some serious cases, they ignore
to
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apply
show examples
them. In conclusion,
although
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parents
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 may apply
pressure
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 on their
children
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 out of genuine care and concern, the adverse effects of
this
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pressure
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 can be significant.

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general
Ensure your essay is free of typing and grammatical errors. For instance, 'deam' should be 'dream,' and 'success' should be 'successes.'
task achievement
Your introduction should summarize the reasons briefly and mention that your essay will discuss them in detail.
task achievement
When discussing reasons for parental pressure, providing concrete examples or data can strengthen your argument.
coherence cohesion
Some sentences could be more concise to improve clarity. For example, 'In to day's world' should be 'In today's world.'
introduction conclusion present
Your essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which aids readers in understanding your main points.
logical structure
Your main points are logically structured and generally easy to follow.
supported main points
The arguments you make, such as parental projection of dreams and the competitive environment, are relevant and insightful.
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