IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Sopeople me think that parents should teach children how to be good members of society. Others, however, believe that school is the place to learn this. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

#sopeople #parents #children #members #society #school #place
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
o
Correct your spelling
To
 live in the community,it is necessary to become a good member.Most
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
people believe that it is
Use synonyms
Correct article usage
the parents
show examples
parents
Change noun form
parents'
parent's
show examples
 duty to educate
children
Use synonyms
 to be a favourable component of
society
Use synonyms
while
Linking Words
 others think that teachers should teach them.In
this
Linking Words
 essay, I Will discuss both points of view.As far as
I m
Correct your spelling
I'm
 concerned, I strongly agree with the statement that
parents
Use synonyms
 can teach them moral and religious
values
Use synonyms
. On the one hand,most
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
people believe that it is
parent's
Correct article usage
the parent's
show examples
 responsibility to teach
children
Use synonyms
 to become
a good members
Correct the article-noun agreement
good members
a good member
show examples
 of
society
Use synonyms
 because
children
Use synonyms
 interact with their
parents
Use synonyms
 first that's why
parents
Use synonyms
learn
Verb problem
teach
show examples
them
Correct pronoun usage
their
show examples
 moral and religious
values
Use synonyms
 .They teach them how to behave with others in a good manner
additionally
Linking Words
, they play an important
role
Use synonyms
 in teaching them religious
values
Use synonyms
 which are beneficial for well well-being of a person.
For example
Linking Words
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
one research
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
has shown that 70% of
parents
Use synonyms
 teach moral
values
Use synonyms
 to their
children
Use synonyms
 by telling them stories.
Therefore
Linking Words
parents
Use synonyms
 are the first entity in their
children
Use synonyms
 who teach them the most crucial
values
Use synonyms
 of
society
Use synonyms
.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, few people think that school is the best place where
children
Use synonyms
 learn the basic
values
Use synonyms
 of gratitude and honesty because the teacher has a pivotal
role
Use synonyms
 to play in moulding the character of the students. School is the place where students interact with other
children
Use synonyms
 of different
background
Fix the agreement mistake
backgrounds
show examples
 they impact
on
Change preposition
apply
show examples
each other .
For example
Linking Words
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
one study
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
has shown that 75 % of
children
Use synonyms
 imprint their teacher.
Therefore
Linking Words
 the teacher has a great
role
Use synonyms
 in the upbringing of
children
Use synonyms
.
To sum up
Linking Words
,it is seen from the above explanation that both play an important
role
Use synonyms
 in teaching
children
Use synonyms
society
Use synonyms
values
Use synonyms
however
Linking Words
 in my view parent are a more important factor in Childers life.
Submitted by madihaali8470 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

grammatical accuracy
Ensure subject-verb agreement and consistent use of pronouns to improve grammatical accuracy. Minor errors do not hinder comprehension but addressing them would make the essay cleaner.
coherence cohesion
Introduce transitions between paragraphs to aid the flow of ideas. This will make each section of the essay clearly connected and the overall argument easier to follow.
task achievement
Enhance specific examples by incorporating relevant data or anecdotes to strengthen the arguments. This can support your points more effectively.
structure
Clear introduction and conclusion present which outline and summarize the main points effectively.
structure
Logical structure is maintained throughout the essay, with each paragraph focusing on a single main idea.
task response
Main points are well-supported with general reasoning and examples, making the essay comprehensive.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: