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Writing Samples
Band 5

Some celebrities say their love lives shouldn’t be under scrutiny in the media. However, other people feel that they should accept this as part of their fame. Discuss both perspectives and give your opinion?

#celebrities #love #lives #shouldn’t #scrutiny #media #people #part #fame #perspectives
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With the advancement of technology, information flows very fast.
Consequently
, famous
people
 are concerned about their exposition. Some argue that their personal life should not be shared on the media.
However
, some
people
 believe that it should. In my opinion,
people
 should have the right to preserve their
lives
, but
this
 essay will explore both views. Nowadays, with social media, most of them are always posting about their routine, and their loved ones.
People
 want to feel close to their idols, and for that, it is needed to create
this
 connection. It is true that famous
people
 need to be always on the spot to get visibility.
Also
, they usually inflame the curiosity of the fans to get more followers. In a world with a
lot
 of fakeness, being able to show the truth
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
 your
follower
Fix the agreement mistake
followers
show examples
 is priceless.
People
 want to see reality, and hiding information is not well seen amongst the public. Despite
this
 belief, increasing the exposition about their personal
lives
 cannot be beneficial. It was seen with Lady Diana the power of media and the power of being exposed.
Although
 fame can be valuable, it
also
 brings a
lot
 of challenges. There are a
lot
 of challenges in
this
 regard,
such
 as no privacy and fear. There is a new trend called "cancel culture" where the public cancels their idols for things they
said
Wrong verb form
say
show examples
 or things they do not agree with. Bringing their loved ones to that
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 can be very harmful and can cause a
lot
 of fear.
To sum up
, I can understand why some
people
 believe that famous
people
 should be open about their personal
lives
.
However
, I do believe that
they
Correct pronoun usage
there
show examples
 are more
withdrawls
Correct your spelling
withdrawals
. The fear of the cancellation culture and causing harm to
people
 that you love can be very disruptive. They are famous in their jobs and not in
ther
Correct your spelling
their
 personal
lives
.
Submitted by nathmoura on

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task achievement
Ensure all ideas are fully developed and supported with specific examples to make them more compelling and clear.
coherence cohesion
Work on organizing your main points more logically and cohesively to improve the overall flow of the essay.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, providing a solid framework for your discussion.
task achievement
You address both perspectives on the issue, which is excellent for task response.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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