In some countries, fast food restaurants and companies give money to schools provided that the school promote their products to school children. What do you think is the positive and negative of this in the development of children?

In some parts of the world, some junk
food
owners try to promote their
products
among scholars by providing financial support to the
school
. I personally believe that
this
action is likely to have more negative effects on pupils' development. First and foremost, fast
food
products
are not healthy enough to be consumed by
children
. As ready meals are
kind
Correct article usage
a kind
show examples
of ultra-processed
food
, it leads to poor
quality
of
health
for
children
's
body
Fix the agreement mistake
bodies
show examples
. The ultra-processed
food
consists of
high
Add an article
the high
a high
show examples
amount
Fix the agreement mistake
amounts
show examples
of
sodiums
Fix the agreement mistake
sodium
show examples
and fats which
evolves
Verb problem
will cause
show examples
more complex brain problems in the future.
For example
, in Jakarta, the number of fast
food
restaurants rapidly increases around the
school
areas which makes the
school
children
consume more fast meal
products
. Studies showed that the number of
children
obesity
Fix the agreement mistake
who are obese
show examples
grows
as well as
the
consentration
Correct your spelling
concentration
level of
children
when they study in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
class.
Therefore
, it can be said that promoting junk
food
products
in a
school
will reduce
quality
Add an article
the quality
show examples
of pupils'
health
as well as
their learning focus.
Secondly
, the
school
needs to provide a good
quality
of consumption and it should not affiliate to any company that will harm the
children
's future
health
. A good
quality
of
food
is basically
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
real
food
that
served
Add a missing verb
is served
show examples
without any toxic chemical seasoning. By providing
this
kind of consumption, the
school
helps the
children
to receive adequate vitamins and energy,
thus
, they can have their best performance during the class.
For example
, a
school
in Bandung supplies full
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
nutrient menus, regulated by the
healthy
Replace the word
health
show examples
minister of Indonesia, differently each day.
As a result
, the fast
food
companies are not able to ask the
school
to promote their
products
. In conclusion, the
school
needs to take care more
on
Change preposition
of
show examples
their
children
Change noun form
children's
show examples
health
by not accepting cooperation from junk
food
companies. Advertising fast
food
meals in a
school
have
Verb problem
is
show examples
more
disadvantage
Replace the word
disadvantageous
show examples
effect
particulary
Correct your spelling
particularly
in terms of
health
Correct article usage
the health
show examples
quality
of the scholars.
Submitted by chocolate10 on

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task achievement
Ensure all arguments are fully developed and supported by specific details and examples.
coherence cohesion
Improve paragraph transitions for better logical flow.
general
Pay attention to grammatical accuracy and vocabulary range to make the essay more compelling.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, helping frame the discussion well.
task achievement
The use of specific examples, such as the case in Jakarta and Bandung, adds relevance and strengthens the argument.
task achievement
The essay addresses both sides of the argument, giving it a balanced perspective.

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