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Writing Samples
Band 5

The movement of people from agricultural areas to big cities has caused many problems at both places. What are the reasons of this problem and how can it be solved?

#movement #people #areas #cities #places
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One of the significant issues today relates to the immigration of farmers from
Correct article usage
the countrysides
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countrysides
Fix the agreement mistake
countryside
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 to more populated areas, which has brought
negtive
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negative
 impacts on both places. In
this
 essay, I elaborate
the
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on the
show examples
 causes of
this
 trend and how
this
 should be dealt with. There are several factors which persuade citizens in rural areas to move to cities. The main one is their desire to lead a better life. When they are engaged in an agricultural industry, they have to stick to their place all the time to monitor their products.
In contrast
, if they can choose another genre of work in a city, they will have more free time to do things which add spice to life. Another justification is that they are seeking
for
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apply
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opportunities to earn money steadily. As agriculture is severely influenced by the weather, their income always fluctuates annually. To ensure their revenue, they tend to immigrate to city areas. To address
this
 issue, some possible measures should be implemented. The authorities should establish a system to mitigate farmer's physical and mental burdens.
For example
, if volunteers come to their farms to cover their work, agriculturers can sustain their business.
Additionally
, they will be proud of their job. Another tactic is introducing fixing prices of their products. If they can obtain
stable
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a stable
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 income regardless of the climate, they do not have to leave their homeland to secure their income. In conclusion, there
is
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are
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 apparent reasons why farmers leave their land to cities including their wish to live a happier life and their unstable
icome
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income
due to
 the weather. To alleviate
this
 problem, the government should support them by creating a system to invite volunteers to help farmers and by ensuring their fluctuating
icome
Correct your spelling
income
come
.
Submitted by takuya13sugimoto on

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coherence clarity
To improve coherence, ensure that each paragraph flows logically into the next. Use more transitional phrases to guide the reader through your arguments more smoothly.
task achievement
Enhance your task response by providing more detailed and specific examples to support your points. This will make your arguments more convincing and comprehensive.
language accuracy
Carefully proofread your essay to correct small grammatical errors and spelling mistakes, such as 'negtive' to 'negative' and 'icome' to 'income'. Proper editing can improve the overall presentation of your essay.
task achievement
You have identified clear reasons for the movement of people from agricultural areas to cities, such as the desire for a better life and stable income.
coherence clarity
Your essay has a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion, making it easy to follow.
task achievement
You provided potential solutions to the issue, which shows thoughtful engagement with the topic.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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