Some children spend a long time each day on their smartphone. Why is this? Is this a positive or negative development?

#children #time #smartphone #development

Some juveniles spend a long

time

each day on their mobile phones.

This

is because video streaming apps are so engaging, but

this

can have negative consequences because they can

disract

Correct your spelling

distract

detract

from family life. Minors love using

mobiles

Change the noun form

mobile

show examples

devices because streaming services have many entertaining videos.

This

means they have endless

opprtunities

Correct your spelling

opportunities

to enjoy themselves, and they can spend their entire day consuming new shows without thinking.

For example

, many videos on Netflix are aimed at children, some of which design their

title

Fix the agreement mistake

titles

show examples

and thumbnails to

entire

Correct your spelling

entice

show examples

children to

clich

Correct your spelling

click

on one more video.

As a result

, they spend their free

time

in front of a screen

instead

of being outside doing physical activities,

such

as bike riding or playing sports. Despite them being highly enjoyable for the child,

this

essay believes they should be

views

Wrong verb form

viewed

show examples

negatively because of the impact it has on

time

with parents and siblings. Being around one's nuclear family teaches children many important things,

such

as values, manners, and how to treat others. If a child misses these opportunities, they could grow up to have impaired social skills and take their values from Youtubers rather than their mother and father.

For instance

, one of the most popular personalities on

Youtube

Correct your spelling

YouTube

show examples

is Logan Paul, who is

well known

Add a hyphen

well-known

show examples

for promoting drug use, gambling and violence. In conclusion, videos on mobiles may be

irresistable

Correct your spelling

irresistible

to those under 18.

However

, parents should restrict screen

time

mush

Correct your spelling

much

show examples

as possible to limit

harmful

Correct article usage

the harmful

show examples

effects influencers can have on their son's or daughter's upbringing.

Submitted by sunnyjt62 on Sat Sep 21 2024

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement

While the essay provides a clear response to the task with reasonable arguments, it would benefit from a clearer definition and differentiation of positive and negative consequences. Try elaborating on these points with more detailed examples or evidence.

coherence cohesion

There are a few grammatical errors and typos (e.g., 'opprtunities', 'mush', 'entire' instead of 'entice') that should be corrected for a more polished presentation.

coherence cohesion

The essay has a clear structure with an introduction, development of ideas, and a conclusion, making it easy to follow.

task achievement

You have managed to present a balanced viewpoint by acknowledging the engaging nature of mobile content and still emphasizing the negative effects.

Structure your answers in logical paragraphs

The easiest way to score well on the IELTS Task 2 writing portion is to structure your writing in a solid essay format.

A strong argument essay structure can be split up into 4 paragraphs, each containing 4 sentences (except the conclusion paragraph, which only contains 3 sentences).

Stick to this essay structure:

Paragraph 1 - Introduction
Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Do you want to check your IELTS essays?

Submit unlimited essays, letters and charts. Sign up right now and start improving your writing skills.

7Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
1Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
12Grammar mistakes
 

2 paragraphs

254 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

🚀 Prepare for IELTS writing section today!

Unlimited Task 1 checks
Get all the feedback you need to keep improving your charts and letters.
Unlimited Task 2 checks
Practice and perfect your skills with essays.
Personalized suggestions
Know how to boost your score.
Detailed mistakes analysis
Get instant feedback. Spot every mistake.
Topic ideas generator
Get topic-specific ideas to enhance your writing.
Vocabulary helper
Get the right words for any topic.
Progress tracking
Track your writing improvements.

What to do next:

Look at other essays:

7
band
Should private schools receive government funding? Give reasons for your answer, and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.
Numerous people say that the government should spend the budget to support private schools. Due to this, it will help develop the education system. In my opinion, they should not be funded by public money, private schools already have high profits from school tuition and private academies are businesses created to seek profit like other businesses.
6.5
band
Some people feel that manufacturers and supermarkets have the responsibility to reduce the amount of packaging of goods. Others argue that customers should avoid buying goods with a lot of packaging. Discuss both these views and give your opinion
Manufacturers and supermarkets have a significant role to play in reducing packaging waste. However, some argue that it is the customers' responsibility to avoid buying goods with excessive packaging. This essay will discuss both views and present my opinion.
5.5
band
The development of tourism contributed to English becoming the most prominent lexical in the world. Some people think this will lead to English becoming only language to be spoken globally. Advantages and disadvantages?
Tourism is developing which gives stong contributions to English as the only predominant language worldwide, resulting to English as the only language used all over the world. There are some benefits and drawbacks to this application which will be discussed further in the upcoming paragraphs.
5.5
band
in their advertising bsinesses nowadays ususally emphasise that their products are new in some way. whay is this ? do you think it is a positife or negative development?
In this contemporary era, because of technological advancement, the marketing management field is playing a significant role in the market. The companies are always underscoring that their goods and products are the latest in a certain way. In this essay, my standpoint is that it can cause negative development for consumers and society.
5.5
band
As the number of cars increases, more money has to be spent on road systems. Some people think the government should pay for this. Others, however, think that car users should cover the costs. Discuss both views and give your opinion.
The neuroscience is clear: Our brains are capable of processing only a fraction of the information available to them, and we have a fixed amount of mental energy at our disposal, regardless of how much we want or need in any given moment. Consequently, our brains use as little mental energy as possible whenever possible. It isn’t laziness — it’s fuel efficiency.

Some children spend a long time each day on their smartphone. Why is this? Is this a positive or negative development?

Structure your answers in logical paragraphs

Should private schools receive government funding? Give reasons for your answer, and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

Some people feel that manufacturers and supermarkets have the responsibility to reduce the amount of packaging of goods. Others argue that customers should avoid buying goods with a lot of packaging. Discuss both these views and give your opinion

The development of tourism contributed to English becoming the most prominent lexical in the world. Some people think this will lead to English becoming only language to be spoken globally. Advantages and disadvantages?

in their advertising bsinesses nowadays ususally emphasise that their products are new in some way. whay is this ? do you think it is a positife or negative development?

As the number of cars increases, more money has to be spent on road systems. Some people think the government should pay for this. Others, however, think that car users should cover the costs. Discuss both views and give your opinion.