The money spend by the governments on space programmes would be better pent on public services such as schools and hospitals. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
The income
that is
spending
by Replace the word
spent
government
on space programmes would be better Correct article usage
the government
spend
on public services Replace the word
spent
such
as schools
and hospitals
. I totally agree with this
statement because there are not sufficient hospitals
to cover sick people
, and many schools
have
not enough Add a missing verb
do have
computers
to teach children
.
I strongly believe that government
should Correct article usage
the government
spent
Change the verb form
spend
money
on hospitals
because there is not enough medical attention for sick people
when they look out there for help. Besides
this
, if they go to emergency
room, it is frequent that they do not have enough equipment to make a medical Add an article
the emergency
an emergency
diagnose
, so Replace the word
diagnosis
people
have to go back home without treatment. This
is to
say the least, Add the comma(s)
, to
sometime
individuals have to wait for two months to find an appointment and Replace the word
sometimes
finally
see a doctor, and many of them choose to go to emergency
room but they end up not having good treatment because Add an article
the emergency
pharmacy
service is closed on weekends or Correct article usage
the pharmacy
midnight
. To illustrate Change preposition
at midnight
this
, in The United States, California, it is common to hear people
complaining about not having medical insurance that cover
their necessities, so many Change the verb form
covers
people
travel to Mexico, Tijuana, to seek medical attention.
Another thing is that children
need better schools'
equipment Change noun form
schools
such
as computers
and keyboards to be taught in classrooms because many of these schools
have not
materials at all. More importantly, many students have no Correct your spelling
no
computers
at home, so they have to travel to local libraries
to borrow a computer, so this
implies to spend
time and Change the verb form
spending
money
for them. Worse
Correct word choice
The worst
scenery
is that if homework is for the weekend, they will have no Replace the word
scenario
chances
to complete homework because Fix the agreement mistake
chance
libraries
are close
on weekends. Replace the word
closed
Lastly
, if they are lucky enough to find one library open, they might wait for one or two hours to find an available computer. To explain this
, in Anaheim, libraries
do not open on weekends, so many children
usually do not complete homework by Monday because they have no computers
at home. As a result
, students' grades are presented as a
low Correct article usage
apply
score
Fix the agreement mistake
scores
at the end
of the year.
In conclusion, government
should spend Add an article
the government
money
on hospitals
and libraries
because there are not enough services to cover sick people
and help children
to improve their knowledge. As a result
, I strongly agree with this
statement because money
will be well spent on individual's
necessities rather than space programmes.Change noun form
individual
Submitted by cuevas14dic on
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coherence cohesion
While your essay clearly states your position and provides relevant examples, the structure and flow could be more refined. Consider organizing your ideas with clearer topic sentences and transition phrases to enhance coherence.
task achievement
Pay attention to minor grammatical mistakes and vocabulary usage. Aim for more precise and varied language to express your ideas more effectively.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are strong, clearly presenting your position on the topic.
task achievement
Your essay provides clear and comprehensive main ideas supported by relevant examples, especially in the paragraphs discussing healthcare and education.
Word Count
IELTS says that you should write a minimum of 250 words in writing task 2. If you go under word count you will lose marks in task response.
A very long essay will not give you a higher band score.
Aim for between 260 to 290 words in writing task 2. This will ensure a concise essay and will be realistic in terms of time management. You have only 40 minutes to write the essay and you need around 10 minutes of planning time, so you will not be able to write a long essay in 30 minutes.
Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+
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