IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

The money spend by the governments on space programmes would be better pent on public services such as schools and hospitals. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
The income
that is
Linking Words
spending
Replace the word
spent
show examples
 by
government
Correct article usage
the government
show examples
 on space programmes would be better
spend
Replace the word
spent
show examples
 on public services
such
Linking Words
 as
schools
Use synonyms
 and
hospitals
Use synonyms
. I totally agree with
this
Linking Words
 statement because there are not sufficient
hospitals
Use synonyms
 to cover sick
people
Use synonyms
, and many
schools
Use synonyms
have
Add a missing verb
do have
show examples
 not enough
computers
Use synonyms
 to teach
children
Use synonyms
. I strongly believe that
government
Correct article usage
the government
show examples
 should
spent
Change the verb form
spend
show examples
money
Use synonyms
 on
hospitals
Use synonyms
 because there is not enough medical attention for sick
people
Use synonyms
 when they look out there for help.
Besides
Linking Words
this
Linking Words
, if they go to
emergency
Add an article
the emergency
an emergency
show examples
 room, it is frequent that they do not have enough equipment to make a medical
diagnose
Replace the word
diagnosis
show examples
, so
people
Use synonyms
 have to go back home without treatment.
This
Linking Words
 is
to
Add the comma(s)
, to
show examples
 say the least,
sometime
Replace the word
sometimes
show examples
 individuals have to wait for two months to find an appointment and
finally
Linking Words
 see a doctor, and many of them choose to go to
emergency
Add an article
the emergency
show examples
 room but they end up not having good treatment because
pharmacy
Correct article usage
the pharmacy
show examples
 service is closed on weekends or
midnight
Change preposition
at midnight
show examples
. To illustrate
this
Linking Words
, in The United States, California, it is common to hear
people
Use synonyms
 complaining about not having medical insurance that
cover
Change the verb form
covers
show examples
 their necessities, so many
people
Use synonyms
 travel to Mexico, Tijuana, to seek medical attention. Another thing is that
children
Use synonyms
 need better
Use synonyms
schools'
Change noun form
schools
show examples
 equipment
such
Linking Words
 as
computers
Use synonyms
 and keyboards to be taught in classrooms because many of these
schools
Use synonyms
 have
not
Correct your spelling
no
show examples
 materials at all. More importantly, many students have no
computers
Use synonyms
 at home, so they have to travel to local
libraries
Use synonyms
 to borrow a computer, so
this
Linking Words
 implies
to spend
Change the verb form
spending
show examples
 time and
money
Use synonyms
 for them.
Worse
Correct word choice
The worst
show examples
scenery
Replace the word
scenario
show examples
 is that if homework is for the weekend, they will have no
chances
Fix the agreement mistake
chance
show examples
 to complete homework because
libraries
Use synonyms
 are
close
Replace the word
closed
show examples
 on weekends.
Lastly
Linking Words
, if they are lucky enough to find one library open, they might wait for one or two hours to find an available computer. To explain
this
Linking Words
, in Anaheim,
libraries
Use synonyms
 do not open on weekends, so many
children
Use synonyms
 usually do not complete homework by Monday because they have no
computers
Use synonyms
 at home.
As a result
Linking Words
, students' grades are presented as
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
low
score
Fix the agreement mistake
scores
show examples
at the end
Linking Words
 of the year. In conclusion,
government
Add an article
the government
show examples
 should spend
money
Use synonyms
 on
hospitals
Use synonyms
 and
libraries
Use synonyms
 because there are not enough services to cover sick
people
Use synonyms
 and help
children
Use synonyms
 to improve their knowledge.
As a result
Linking Words
, I strongly agree with
this
Linking Words
 statement because
money
Use synonyms
 will be well spent on
individual's
Change noun form
individual
show examples
 necessities rather than space programmes.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence cohesion
While your essay clearly states your position and provides relevant examples, the structure and flow could be more refined. Consider organizing your ideas with clearer topic sentences and transition phrases to enhance coherence.
task achievement
Pay attention to minor grammatical mistakes and vocabulary usage. Aim for more precise and varied language to express your ideas more effectively.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are strong, clearly presenting your position on the topic.
task achievement
Your essay provides clear and comprehensive main ideas supported by relevant examples, especially in the paragraphs discussing healthcare and education.

Word Count

IELTS says that you should write a minimum of 250 words in writing task 2. If you go under word count you will lose marks in task response.

A very long essay will not give you a higher band score.

Aim for between 260 to 290 words in writing task 2. This will ensure a concise essay and will be realistic in terms of time management. You have only 40 minutes to write the essay and you need around 10 minutes of planning time, so you will not be able to write a long essay in 30 minutes.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: