IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4

Some people consider that urban planners should pay attention more green spaces and trees, while others argue that they should build new homes. In my opinion, architects should design a scheme that can improve both economic and environmental development.

#people #planners #attention #spaces #trees #homes #architects #design #scheme #development
To begin
 with benefit of creating more green spaces.
Firstly
, plants have environmental benefits.
For example
,trees improve air quality by reducing carbon dioxide and producing oxygen. It means that more trees - more fresh air . So plants help with air purification.
Secondly
, urban greenery
also
Add a missing verb
is also
show examples
 vital for health and well-being. People like to relax in green places.
Therefore
, environmental sustainability
provide
Change the verb form
provides
show examples
 for mental relaxation and
physical
Correct article usage
the physical
show examples
 well-being of residents. Let's turn to the profits of building new homes.
Initially
, it can help with economic growth. It's clear that
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 contributing new
accomodations
Correct your spelling
accommodations
accommodation
 can boost the economic development of
local
Add an article
the local
show examples
 economy by job creation , expansion of residents.
Moreover
 , it has a few social benefits too.
Such
 as supplying more living quarters can reduce homelessness, improve housing equality and ensure safety and adequate conditions for inhabitants. From my point of view, city planners should balance urban growth by considering both building homes and eco-friendly housing.
This
 way , people do not suffer from homelessness and environmental
pollutions
Fix the agreement mistake
pollution
show examples
. It will be sustainable urban planning.
To sum up
, in polluted cities with
lack
Correct article usage
a lack
show examples
 of housing, building homes might be
solution
Add an article
the solution
a solution
show examples
 to homelessness
while
 planting more
tress
Correct your spelling
trees
show examples
 and plants may be the solution for urban areas which struggling with pollution.
Submitted by omondavlat91 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
While your essay addresses the task appropriately, adding more specific examples or details could strengthen your argument.
coherence cohesion
Try to use more complex sentence structures and a variety of linking words to improve overall coherence.
task achievement
Your conclusion effectively summarizes your main points, showing a clear understanding of the essay topic.
coherence cohesion
You have a logical structure and clear paragraphs which help to follow your argument easily.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: