Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? All students should be required to study art and music in secondary school. Use specific reasons to support your answer.

Students
are prompted to learn
art
and
music
in middle
school
. I agree
to
Change preposition
with
show examples
this
statement because it can bring many merits. The benefit of taking those classes are
students
able to develop their
creativity
, find their passion, and let them reduce their stress.  Teenagers in
school
can develop their
creativity
by
implementation
Replace the word
implementing
show examples
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
this
Correct determiner usage
these
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rules. Creating
art
could help
students
to creatively think
what
Change preposition
about what
show examples
and how they draw on their medium. The subject colored and shaped by different elements can
reflects
Change the verb form
reflect
show examples
their
creativity
and can be
look
Verb problem
apply
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amusing. Playing various
music
also
can
led
Change the verb form
lead
be led
show examples
to
establish
Change the verb form
establishing
show examples
their own lyrics and rhythm.
Creativity
is being
practice
Wrong verb form
practised
show examples
and
benefit
Replace the word
beneficial
show examples
to their future
carrier
Correct your spelling
career
show examples
or as
an
Change the article
a
show examples
hobby.
For example
, my friend in
midst
Replace the word
middle
show examples
school
extremely
Add a missing verb
is extremely
show examples
good at
art
, she makes
an abstract
Correct the article-noun agreement
abstract subjects
an abstract subject
show examples
subjects
with unique elements.
This
is because she always
have
Change the verb form
has
show examples
progress in
art
and
being
Wrong verb form
is
show examples
robust in class. Despite enhancing
creativity
, learning
art
and
music
also
led them to find their pathway in passion. By
practicing
Change the spelling
practising
show examples
in those
subjects
, they can realize that it is enjoyable and
therefore
continue it at home and even in university.
For instance
,
friend
Add an article
a friend
show examples
of mine at that grade really
done
Wrong verb form
did
show examples
a good job in
art
, so she entered
art
related
Correct your spelling
art-related
show examples
major at university. Other
that
Correct word choice
than
show examples
that, stress can be reduced by making
art
and
music
.
This emotional aspects
Change the determiner
This emotional aspect
These emotional aspects
show examples
can
be lessen
Change the verb form
be lessened
show examples
by getting away from complicated
subjects
in
school
. Other
school
material
Fix the agreement mistake
materials
show examples
often
faced
Wrong verb form
face
show examples
bad judgments by
students
because of their complexities. So
by
Change preposition
apply
show examples
changing the
subjects
can give children some space to rest and
led
Wrong verb form
lead
show examples
to
reduce
Wrong verb form
reduced
show examples
relief.
School
Fix the agreement mistake
Schools
show examples
tend
Add the particle
tend to
show examples
understand
this aspects
Change the determiner
this aspect
these aspects
show examples
, so they usually arrange these two
type
Fix the agreement mistake
types
show examples
of
subjects
closely.
For example
, in middle
school
, my teacher scheduled our
subjects
our
art
and math
subjects
closely. That time, we really feel refreshed after the intense learning of math. In conclusion, rules that prompted middle
school
students
to
uptake
Verb problem
take
show examples
both
art
and
music
class
Fix the agreement mistake
classes
show examples
can bring many benefits.
Students
can enhance their
creativities
Replace the word
creativity
show examples
, find their way to their passion, and
reduced
Wrong verb form
reduce
show examples
their
emosional
Correct your spelling
emotional
breakdown. In the future, I continue to support these rules so that children are more comfortable and happy with their
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
show examples
.
Submitted by auzarinawukirasih19 on

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coherence cohesion
To improve, focus on enhancing the clarity of your ideas and organize your paragraphs more logically. Avoid repetition of points and provide clear, specific examples to support your ideas more effectively.
task achievement
Pay attention to grammar, sentence structure, and vocabulary usage to eliminate errors. This will help in making the essay more polished and comprehensible.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, making it easy for the reader to follow the arguments.
task achievement
Relevant examples are provided to support the points made, demonstrating a good understanding of the topic.

Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

  • firstly
  • secondly
  • thirdly
  • in additional
  • moreover
  • also
  • for example
  • for instance
  • therefore
  • however
  • although
  • even though
  • despite

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • foster creativity
  • innovative thinking
  • emotional well-being
  • reduce stress
  • creative expression
  • cultural awareness
  • inclusive and diverse society
  • cognitive development
  • academic performance
  • spatial-temporal reasoning
  • language development
  • career opportunities
  • creative industries
  • contributors to the economy
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