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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The pie chart shows the percentage of persons arrested in the five years ending 1994 and the bar chart shows the most recent reasons for arrest. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant.

The pie chart shows the percentage of persons arrested in the five years ending 1994 and the bar chart shows the most recent reasons for arrest. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant.
#percentage #persons #five #years #bar #arrest #information #features #comparisons
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The pie charts
represents
Change the verb form
represent
show examples
proportion
Add an article
the proportion
show examples
 of imprisoned criminals during
five
Correct determiner usage
a
show examples
years
Correct your spelling
five-year
show examples
 time period,
while
Linking Words
,
bar
Correct article usage
the bar
show examples
 chart illustrates the causes that led to these arrests. Units are measured in
percentage
Use synonyms
.
Overall
Linking Words
,
pie
Correct article usage
the pie
show examples
 charts
depicts
Change the verb form
depict
show examples
 that
Use synonyms
percentage
Correct article usage
the percentage
show examples
 of arrested males was higher than that of females in the given time period,
whereas
Linking Words
,
bar
Add an article
the bar
show examples
 chart shows that the primary reason
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
 arrest was public drinking in the
case
Use synonyms
 of both genders.
Also
Linking Words
,
male
Correct article usage
the male
show examples
 arresting percentile was generally higher than that of
women
Use synonyms
. Pie charts show that 32%
males
Change preposition
of males
show examples
 were arrested in comparison to females, whose
percentage
Use synonyms
 was 9% in the
five year
Add a hyphen
five-year
show examples
 time period.
Moreover
Linking Words
,
Use synonyms
percentage
Correct article usage
the percentage
show examples
 of not arrested
men
Use synonyms
 and
women
Use synonyms
 was
at
Change preposition
apply
show examples
68 and 91 respectively.
Bar
Add an article
The bar
show examples
 chart shows that
Use synonyms
percentage
Correct article usage
the percentage
show examples
 of
men
Use synonyms
 and
women
Use synonyms
 imprisoned in public drinking was approximately 31 and 38 respectively.
secondly
Linking Words
, driving after being drunk showed 27% in
Use synonyms
case
Correct article usage
the case
show examples
 of
men
Use synonyms
 and 14% in the
case
Use synonyms
 of
women
Use synonyms
.
Thirdly
Linking Words
, assault and theft showed almost
same
Correct article usage
the same
show examples
percentage
Use synonyms
 of 17% for
men
Use synonyms
, but about 18% in the
case
Use synonyms
 of
women
Use synonyms
 for
former
Correct article usage
the former
show examples
reason
Fix the agreement mistake
reasons
show examples
 and approximately 13% for the
later
Correct your spelling
latter
show examples
 one.
Submitted by kforkinza124 on

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Vocabulary: Replace the words percentage, case, women, men with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "charts" was used 6 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "shows" was used 5 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 5 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "approximately" was used 2 times.
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