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Band 6

Some people think that museums should be enjoyable places to entertain people, while others believe that the purpose of museums is to educate. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#people #museums #places #purpose
It is sometimes argued that
whether
Correct word choice
apply
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the primary purpose of
museums
 is to entertain or to educate.
While
 there might be some reasons to support their entertainment, I am of the opinion that they should be developed for the latter point On the one hand, the idea of enjoyable
museums
 is reasonable to some extent.
This
 is because artistic and outstanding historical products take years to build and complete. Visitors may learn a new perspective from their ancestors, but most of them will be more interested in admiring the magnificence
in
Change preposition
of
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 those creative products than gaining novel insights from them. For illustration, it could be an abstract picture that provides different
meaning
Fix the agreement mistake
meanings
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 for each perspective.
Museums
,
therefore
, could be
the
Correct article usage
apply
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places to exhibit several special things in the past.
On the other hand
, most
museums
 nowadays are
builded
Correct your spelling
built
show examples
 for academic goals. Those historical
museums
, which display a wide range of historical arts, including pictures, sculptures, and videos, are historically informative and well-visualized to tourists, especially the youth.
Hence
, several schools,
for example
, recently have actual courses in national
museums
 for their students, meaning that those students can increase their knowledge about
the
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apply
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historical events through high-quality demonstrations from the tour instructors.
In addition
, external individuals can learn about the national culture, activities, or lifestyles of our people in the past when visiting these
museums
. In conclusion,
although
 enjoyable
museums
 can somewhat contribute to the variety of art, I contend that the government should develop
museums
 for academic purposes
due to
 the benefits it presents. It is advisable that places for historical information should appear, more in the future to achieve a good result in everyone's historical insights.
Submitted by khanhhan13067 on

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coherence cohesion
Consider refining the structure; stronger signposting between paragraphs and ideas would enhance the logical flow.
task achievement
Try to provide more specific examples to strengthen your points and illustrate your arguments more effectively.
task achievement
While your ideas are clear, varying sentence structures and using more sophisticated vocabulary can elevate your writing.
coherence cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion effectively set up and wrap up your discussion on the topic.
task achievement
Your essay provides a clear and generally complete response to the task, and your ideas are well articulated.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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