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Band 2.5

The data displays the numbers of beer and fruit juice, in various countries consumed per person per year.

#data #displays #numbers #beer #fruit #juice #countries #person #year
The data displays the numbers of
beer
 and
fruit
juice
, in various
countries
 consumed per person per
year
.
Overall
, the amount of
beer
 is highest than
fruit
juice
 in general, the first country that
consume
Change the verb form
consumes
show examples
beer
 more than other
countries
 is Ireland, whilst Canada
is
Verb problem
has
show examples
 the highest number
in
Change preposition
of
show examples
fruit
juice
drinker
Fix the agreement mistake
drinkers
show examples
, the lowest figure in all categories and
countries
 is for New Zealand people who drink
fruit
juice
.
Countries
 that drink
beer
are
Verb problem
have
show examples
 the highest amount of
litres
, Ireland is the first country with about 155
litres
 in a
year
 and that's the lowest figure
in
Change preposition
for
show examples
beer
 drinkers,
Netherlands
Correct article usage
the Netherlands
show examples
 is a ninth place in the table in all categories
beer
Change preposition
of beer
show examples
 and
fruit
juice
, but they are more in
beer
 with about 52
litres
 difference. Whilst,
fruit
juice
 drinkers are less in
litres
,
Canadian
Correct article usage
a Canadian
show examples
 person drinks about 52.6
litres
 of
fruit
juice
 in a
year
, the 10th place in
this
 data goes to New Zealand with
amount
Correct article usage
an amount
show examples
 of 24.8
litres
 per
year
 which is the lowest number in all
countries
.
Submitted by zakiahanafy1 on

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coherence cohesion
Clarify the structure of your essay. Use distinct paragraphs for the introduction, body, and conclusion to enhance readability.
task achievement
Work on improving sentence construction and grammar to make your ideas clearer. Check for subject-verb agreement and ensure that your comparisons are grammatically correct.
task achievement
Consider elaborating on your main points with more details or examples. This can help to better support your arguments and make your essay more comprehensive.
task achievement
The essay addresses the main points of the data, mentioning the highest and lowest consumers of both beer and fruit juice.
coherence cohesion
Use of comparative phrases like 'whilst' helps in making effective comparisons between countries.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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