the digrams below show the life cucle of a species of large fish salmon . summerise

On the one hand, it could be argued that working for others has several benefits.The most
benefit
Correct word choice
important benefit
show examples
is
that
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
having a fixed salary. When individuals work as
an
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
employee
Fix the agreement mistake
employees
show examples
in other businesses, they receive their
wage
Fix the agreement mistake
wages
show examples
either every month or
hour
Correct determiner usage
every hour
show examples
.
Therefore
,they should not worry about getting their wage. In some circumstances,
for instance
, the boss of the
business
experiences market
flucation
Correct your spelling
fluctuation
fluctuations
, so he/
shs
Correct your spelling
she
? is responsible
to handle
Change preposition
for handling
show examples
and
manage
Wrong verb form
managing
show examples
the budget of their
business
to pay their employees.
Moreover
,
teamworking
Correct your spelling
teamwork
show examples
is another advantage. If a person wants to be a member of a
business
, they need to promote their
teamworking
Correct your spelling
teamwork
show examples
skills because some meetings may be held in groups, so it is a good opportunity to learn how to work and be in touch with others.
On the other hand
, there are those who claim that running our
business
comes with its benefit.
Firstly
, being a boss of a
business
provides a sense of freedom when they want to make a decision. Making decisions independently helps them to share their opinions based on the
business
’s needs. When their company faces a recession in their
works
Fix the agreement mistake
work
show examples
,
for example
, they have to make a new decision.
Secondly
, they are not worried about finding a job
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
and spend most of their time to find a suitable job.
Instead
, they can easily resort to their own
business
.
Submitted by yektashahryari on

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introduction conclusion present
Provide a clear introduction and conclusion to structure your essay more effectively. This helps the reader understand the overarching argument and ensures all points are adequately addressed.
relevant specific examples
Include more specific examples to substantiate your points. Providing concrete instances can make your arguments more persuasive and clearly illustrate your point.
clear comprehensive ideas
Ensure your ideas are both clear and comprehensive. This may include refining the sentences to be more concise and avoiding minor grammatical errors.
complete response
You have presented both sides of the argument clearly, which shows your ability to discuss and evaluate multiple perspectives.
logical structure
Good use of linking words and phrases to connect ideas between paragraphs, which enhances the logical structure of the essay.
supported main points
Main points are generally well-supported, which indicates a sound understanding of the topic.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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