IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3

What are the differance beteen working for others and running your own business

#differance #beteen #business
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On the one hand, it could be argued that working for others has several benefits.The most
benefit
Correct word choice
important benefit
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 is
that
Correct word choice
apply
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having a fixed salary. When individuals work as
an
Correct article usage
apply
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employee
Fix the agreement mistake
employees
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 in other businesses, they receive their
wage
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wages
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 either every month or
hour
Correct determiner usage
every hour
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.
Therefore
,they should not worry about getting their wage. In some circumstances,
for instance
, the boss of the
business
 experiences market
flucation
Correct your spelling
fluctuation
fluctuations
, so he/
shs
Correct your spelling
she
? is responsible
to handle
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for handling
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 and
manage
Wrong verb form
managing
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 the budget of their
business
 to pay their employees.
Moreover
,
teamworking
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teamwork
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 is another advantage. If a person wants to be a member of a
business
, they need to promote their
teamworking
Correct your spelling
teamwork
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 skills because some meetings may be held in groups, so it is a good opportunity to learn how to work and be in touch with others.
On the other hand
, there are those who claim that running our
business
 comes with its benefit.
Firstly
, being a boss of a
business
 provides a sense of freedom when they want to make a decision. Making decisions independently helps them to share their opinions based on the
business
’s needs. When their company faces a recession in their
works
Fix the agreement mistake
work
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,
for example
, they have to make a new decision.
Secondly
, they are not worried about finding a job
,
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apply
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 and spend most of their time to find a suitable job.
Instead
, they can easily resort to their own
business
.
Submitted by yektashahryari on

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introduction conclusion present
Consider adding an introduction and conclusion to your essay. This will provide a clear frame for your arguments and make your essay more cohesive.
relevant specific examples
Expand on your examples to make them more specific and relevant. This will help to strengthen your arguments.
clear comprehensive ideas
You have effectively discussed the benefits of both working for others and running your own business.
logical structure
Your main points are supported and logically structured making it easy for the reader to follow your arguments.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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