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Band 4.5

The image you've shared appears to be a task from an IELTS writing section, requiring you to summarize the information presented in a chart about how families in a certain country spent their weekly income in 1968 and 2018.

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The given graph illustrates data on how the weekly revenue spent by families in a single country
1968
Change preposition
in 1968
show examples
 and 2018.
Overall
, in 1968, the most weekly salary was spent on food.
On the other hand
, the least of it was spent on
fuel
 and
power
. In 2018, people spent most of their money on leisure activities.
Furthermore
, they spent the least of their cash on
fuel
 and
power
. In 1968, the weekly income was spent the most on food at 35%. Following that, both housing and clothing shared the second
place
 at 10%.
After
this
, leisure activities arrived in third
place
, scoring around 9% of weekly cash.
Moreover
, both household goods and personal goods achieved just above 7%.
Finally
,
fuel
 and
power
 were in the
last
place
 at above 5% of weekly profit. In the
last
 year, leisure activities were the most thing that residents spent money on, marking around 23%.
In addition
, both housing and food stood at 18% and 16% respectively. After that, families spent on transportation around 14% of their weekly returns.
Finally
,
fuel
 and
power
 came in
last
place
 at 4%.
Submitted by seifhasseb222 on

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task achievement
Ensure to paraphrase the task question completely to avoid repetition and make your introduction more engaging.
coherence and cohesion
Include a clear conclusion to summarize your findings and provide a rounded end to the essay.
coherence and cohesion
Avoid repetitive phrases to maintain reader’s interest throughout the essay.
task achievement
The essay covers all the key points shown in the graph efficiently.
coherence and cohesion
The overall progression of the essay, from introduction to body, is logical, making it easy to follow.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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