Some people argue that sports and physical education should be mandatory parts of the school curriculum, while others believe they should remain optional. What are the potential benefits of making sports compulsory in schools, and do you agree with this idea? Explain your position and provide relevant examples.

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Some people say that
sports
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and physical
acitivity
Correct your spelling
activity
should be
incoporated
Correct your spelling
incorporated
in
Change preposition
into
show examples
the
school
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curriculum,
Linking Words
however
Add a comma
however,
show examples
there are others who prefer it to
be remain
Change the verb form
remain
show examples
as optional. There are many advantages
from
Change preposition
to
show examples
including physical
education
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as
part
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of
school
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courses
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,
such
Linking Words
as
educate
Wrong verb form
educating
show examples
students
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about
team
Correct your spelling
teamwork
show examples
work
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and
encourage
Wrong verb form
encouraging
show examples
students
Use synonyms
to have physical activity to
be remain
Change the verb form
remain
show examples
healthy.
Incoporating
Correct your spelling
Incorporating
sports
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in the
education
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systems is
part
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of
approach
Add an article
the approach
an approach
show examples
to
teach
Change the verb form
teaching
show examples
students
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about working in a group. Normally,
sports
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were played among groups and
this
Linking Words
indirectly
nurture
Change the verb form
nurtures
show examples
students
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' ability to
work
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together in a team.
Furthermore
Linking Words
,
such
Linking Words
skills will complement
students
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when they enter
Add an article
the labor
show examples
labor
Change the spelling
labour
show examples
market and become an added value.
For instance
Linking Words
, mostly in
workplace
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the workplace
show examples
, the ability to
work
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in
group
Add an article
a group
the group
show examples
is essential as they will
work
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within a division, which comprises
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
several people, and
also
Linking Words
working interdivison or even intercompany.
Thus
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,
sports
Use synonyms
education
Use synonyms
will cultivate
this
Linking Words
ability through
education
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.
Additionally
Linking Words
, physical
education
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encourage
Change the verb form
encourages
show examples
students
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to maintain their
Use synonyms
body
Fix the agreement mistake
bodies
show examples
to
keep
Verb problem
stay
show examples
healthy.
Students
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who
already
Add a missing verb
are already
show examples
accustomed to doing
sports
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regularly will take
this
Linking Words
behavior regularly even outside of the
school
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's mandate. Regular physical exercise is important particularly when entering adulthood because the
body
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is no longer as immune as when it was younger.
For example
Linking Words
, whenever someone regularly
do
Change the verb form
does
show examples
sports
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then
Linking Words
later
halt
Correct subject-verb agreement
halts
show examples
the
acivity
Correct your spelling
activity
, the
body
Use synonyms
will give signals
such
Linking Words
as
sore
Replace the word
soreness
show examples
in several
Use synonyms
part
Change to a plural noun
parts
show examples
of
Use synonyms
body
Add an article
the body
show examples
.
Thus
Linking Words
,
incoporating
Correct your spelling
incorporating
physical
education
Use synonyms
courses
Use synonyms
would make
students
Use synonyms
persistent in doing physical activity and subliminally will extend
this
Linking Words
as
part
Use synonyms
of their lifestyle. In conclusion, I agree to include
sports
Use synonyms
and physical activity to be one of
Use synonyms
school's
Add an article
the school's
show examples
courses
Use synonyms
. The
students
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can acquire skills that later will be beneficial in
work
Use synonyms
in addition
Linking Words
the
body
Use synonyms
will remain fit. The benefit of including
sports
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as
part
Use synonyms
of
curriculum
Add an article
the curriculum
show examples
will
last
Linking Words
longer than merely
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
weekly
courses
Use synonyms
.
Submitted by sariksma on

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task achievement
Your essay addresses the question and provides relevant points. However, you could improve the clarity and depth of your arguments, especially by providing more detailed examples and expanding on the potential drawbacks or counterarguments.
coherence cohesion
To improve coherence and cohesion, consider working on smoother transitions between paragraphs and ideas. Pay attention to sentence structure to avoid fragmented thoughts and ensure that each paragraph flows logically from one to the next.
coherence cohesion
There are some grammatical errors and awkward phrases that need to be refined for better readability. For example, "incoporated" should be "incorporated," "health" should be "healthy," and "accustomed to doing sports" could be changed to "accustomed to regular physical activity."
task achievement
You effectively highlight essential benefits of including sports in the curriculum, such as teamwork and maintaining health.
coherence cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion are well-framed, providing a clear start and end to your essay.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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