Some people argue that sports and physical education should be mandatory parts of the school curriculum, while others believe they should remain optional. What are the potential benefits of making sports compulsory in schools, and do you agree with this idea? Explain your position and provide relevant examples.
Some people say that
sports
and physical acitivity
should be Correct your spelling
activity
incoporated
Correct your spelling
incorporated
in
the Change preposition
into
school
curriculum, however
there are others who prefer it to Add a comma
however,
be remain
as optional. There are many advantages Change the verb form
remain
from
including physical Change preposition
to
education
as part
of school
courses
, such
as educate
Wrong verb form
educating
students
about team
Correct your spelling
teamwork
work
and encourage
Wrong verb form
encouraging
students
to have physical activity to be remain
healthy.
Change the verb form
remain
Incoporating
Correct your spelling
Incorporating
sports
in the education
systems is part
of approach
to Add an article
the approach
an approach
teach
Change the verb form
teaching
students
about working in a group. Normally, sports
were played among groups and this
indirectly nurture
Change the verb form
nurtures
students
' ability to work
together in a team. Furthermore
, such
skills will complement students
when they enter Add an article
the labor
labor
market and become an added value. Change the spelling
labour
For instance
, mostly in workplace
, the ability to Add an article
the workplace
work
in group
is essential as they will Add an article
a group
the group
work
within a division, which comprises of
several people, and Change preposition
apply
also
working interdivison or even intercompany. Thus
, sports
education
will cultivate this
ability through education
.
Additionally
, physical education
encourage
Change the verb form
encourages
students
to maintain their body
to Fix the agreement mistake
bodies
keep
healthy. Verb problem
stay
Students
who already
accustomed to doing Add a missing verb
are already
sports
regularly will take this
behavior regularly even outside of the school
's mandate. Regular physical exercise is important particularly when entering adulthood because the body
is no longer as immune as when it was younger. For example
, whenever someone regularly do
Change the verb form
does
sports
then
later halt
the Correct subject-verb agreement
halts
acivity
, the Correct your spelling
activity
body
will give signals such
as sore
in several Replace the word
soreness
part
of Change to a plural noun
parts
body
. Add an article
the body
Thus
, incoporating
physical Correct your spelling
incorporating
education
courses
would make students
persistent in doing physical activity and subliminally will extend this
as part
of their lifestyle.
In conclusion, I agree to include sports
and physical activity to be one of school's
Add an article
the school's
courses
. The students
can acquire skills that later will be beneficial in work
in addition
the body
will remain fit. The benefit of including sports
as part
of curriculum
will Add an article
the curriculum
last
longer than merely a
weekly Correct article usage
apply
courses
.Submitted by sariksma on
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task achievement
Your essay addresses the question and provides relevant points. However, you could improve the clarity and depth of your arguments, especially by providing more detailed examples and expanding on the potential drawbacks or counterarguments.
coherence cohesion
To improve coherence and cohesion, consider working on smoother transitions between paragraphs and ideas. Pay attention to sentence structure to avoid fragmented thoughts and ensure that each paragraph flows logically from one to the next.
coherence cohesion
There are some grammatical errors and awkward phrases that need to be refined for better readability. For example, "incoporated" should be "incorporated," "health" should be "healthy," and "accustomed to doing sports" could be changed to "accustomed to regular physical activity."
task achievement
You effectively highlight essential benefits of including sports in the curriculum, such as teamwork and maintaining health.
coherence cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion are well-framed, providing a clear start and end to your essay.
Your opinion
Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.
If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.
Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.
Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:
...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?
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