Some people say that individuals who make a lot of money are the most successful. Others think that those who contribute to society like scientists and teachers are more successful. Discuss both sides and give your own opinion
Nowadays, people are
aruge
about which Correct your spelling
arguing
individuals
are the most successful, one side says that make
a lot of Wrong verb form
making
money
can seem as most successful, others
side Correct quantifier usage
other
think
that Correct subject-verb agreement
thinks
contribute
to Wrong verb form
contributing
society
is most
successful.
In Correct article usage
the most
theory
Add an article
the theory
of make
a lot of Change preposition
that making
money
are
the most successful, some people will use Correct subject-verb agreement
is
money
as a metric to determine who is successful
Correct article usage
a successful
individuals
, because Fix the agreement mistake
individual
of
Change preposition
apply
money
can appear to be a quantify
metric of Change the verb form
quantified
success
, also
more
objective view Correct article usage
a more
to
judging Change preposition
of
they
are successful or not. Correct word choice
whether they
For instance
, it is hard to belive
someone says It has work hardly but Correct your spelling
believe
still
poor.
Others argue that Add a missing verb
is still
success
should be measured by one's contributions to society
rather than by personal wealth. They point to individuals
such
as educators, scientists, and humanitarian workers, whose work may not yield substantial financial rewards but has a lasting impact on society
. According to
this
perspective, touching lives, advancing human knowledge, or addressing global challenges are far more significant markers of success
.
In discussing both views, it's important to acknowledge that perceptions of success
are highly subjective and can be influenced by cultural, societal, and personal values. While
financial success
can provide comfort and security, societal contributions often carry deeper personal satisfaction and legacy. My view is that those who contribute to society
like scientists and teachers are the most successful individuals
, because I think personal contribute
is greater than personal fortune, Replace the word
contribution
although
it is hard to define.Submitted by hibana2077 on
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task achievement
Ensure your essay addresses all parts of the task fully. While you did mention the two perspectives and gave your opinion, expanding on both sides with more detailed examples and explanations would strengthen your essay.
coherence cohesion
Work on organizing your ideas more clearly. Each paragraph should focus on a single idea or argument, with clear topic sentences and supporting details. This will improve logical structure and ensure a smoother flow.
task achievement
Try to enhance your use of specific examples. Providing concrete instances or anecdotes could illustrate your points more effectively and make your argument more compelling.
coherence cohesion
You have included an introduction that sets up the debate and a conclusion that provides your own viewpoint, which are important structural elements.
task achievement
Your essay engages with the topic and offers some valid points regarding both perspectives.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.