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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The graph shows average annual percentages of online adults who use different social networks. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The graph shows average annual percentages of online adults who use different social networks. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
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The bar chart illustrates the proportion of online
adults
Use synonyms
 using six different social
flaforms
Correct your spelling
platforms
flatforms
( no
site
Use synonyms
,
one
Use synonyms
site
Use synonyms
, two
sites
Use synonyms
, three
sites
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, four
sites
Use synonyms
, five
sites
Use synonyms
) between 2014 and 2105.
Overall
Linking Words
, the
percentag
Correct your spelling
percentage
 of
users
Use synonyms
 who used
one
Use synonyms
site
Use synonyms
 in both years given was the highest. Noticeably, the figures for
adults
Use synonyms
used
Correct pronoun usage
who used
show examples
 social networks
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
was
Correct subject-verb agreement
were
show examples
 higher than
that
Correct determiner usage
those
show examples
 in 2015.
Look
Wrong verb form
Looking
show examples
 at the bar chart closer, we can see that about 36%
Use synonyms
users
Change preposition
of users
show examples
 who used
one
Use synonyms
site
Use synonyms
was
Change the verb form
were
show examples
 the highest, which was nearly 8% higher than the proportion of
adults
Use synonyms
used
Correct pronoun usage
who used
show examples
one
Use synonyms
site
Use synonyms
 in 2015. There was only
1
Correct article usage
a 1
show examples
% higher
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
percentage of online
adults
Use synonyms
used
Correct pronoun usage
who used
show examples
 no
site
Use synonyms
 in 2014 compared to the figure in 2015.
Conversely
Linking Words
,
1%higher
Correct article usage
a 1%higher
show examples
 in
proportion
Add an article
the proportion
a proportion
show examples
 of
users
Use synonyms
 who used three
Use synonyms
site
Change to a plural noun
sites
show examples
 was seen in 2104 and 2015. in terms of the remains
categise
Correct your spelling
categories
, the percentage of internet
users
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used
Correct pronoun usage
who used
show examples
 three
sites
Use synonyms
 in 2014 accounted for around 12%, which was 8% lower than that in 2015. There
was
Correct subject-verb agreement
were
show examples
 5% and 8% that seen in the
porportion
Correct your spelling
proportion
 of online
adults
Use synonyms
 who used four
sites
Use synonyms
 in both years 2014, 2015 respectively.
Linking Words
Last
Change the article
The last
show examples
 category was five
sites
Use synonyms
, around 2%
online
Change preposition
of online
show examples
users
Use synonyms
used
Add a missing verb
were used
show examples
 in 2104 and 4%
Use synonyms
adults
Change preposition
of adults
show examples
used
Add a missing verb
were used
show examples
 in 2105.

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Vocabulary: Replace the words adults, site, one, sites, users with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "chart" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "figures" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "figures" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "proportion" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "around" was used 2 times.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • average annual percentage
  • online adults
  • social networks
  • main features
  • comparisons
  • highest/lowest
  • discernible trends
  • consistent growth/decline
  • popularity
  • competition
  • functionality
  • significant changes
  • patterns
  • spike/drop in usage
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