IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Many people think that the behavior of professional sportsmen off the field is not important as long as they are good players. To what extent do you agree or disagree with it?

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Although
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 some people claim that professional athletes can behave as they want in their personal
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
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 if they play well in the field, I totally disagree with
this
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 view because they are regarded as role models and function as
an
Correct article usage
apply
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advertisement
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advertisements
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. In
this
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 essay, I elaborate on my opinion. The primary reason why I oppose the idea that professional sports players should behave
approximately
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appropriately
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 is that they are celebrities and are considered
as
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apply
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role models. Since they often appear on TV programs and news, their influence
in
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on
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public
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the public
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 is never neglected.
For instance
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, if they smoke and drink alcohol excessively, young generations will follow them and copy their inappropriate manners.
Therefore
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, Their
behaviors
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behaviours
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 off the field
does
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do
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 count.
Additionally
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, they function as an advertisement for companies which sponsor him. As the value of enterprises is certainly affected by what their supporting athletes do, any scandal of them will jeopardise their business.
Thus
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, corporations will cancel their sponsoring immediately when a scandal about
a
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apply
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related sports figures
come
Correct subject-verb agreement
comes
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 out. A good illustration for
this
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 is that no sooner had an affair of a Japanese sports player been featured than an enterprise cut off their contract. 
That is
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 why they should stay in a good manner even if they are apart from the field. In conclusion, one of
he
Correct your spelling
the
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 controversial topics relates to how professional athletes should behave off the ground. I strongly believe they should act properly because they are emulated in public and companies which sponsor them expect them to bring positive impacts to
the
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apply
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society under their name.

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task achievement
While the essay gives a complete response to the task, introducing both reasons and examples, the clarity of ideas can be improved. Ensure each paragraph has a clear main idea and avoid minor grammatical inaccuracies (e.g., 'Their behaviors off the field does count.' should be 'Their behaviors off the field do count.').
coherence cohesion
To enhance transparency and encourage ease of reading, linking phrases could be improved to guide the reader through your argument more smoothly (e.g., using phrases like 'Furthermore,' 'Additionally,' or 'Moreover,' more effectively).
introduction conclusion
The essay has a strong introduction and conclusion, clearly presenting and summarizing the writer's viewpoint.
supported main points
Main points are well supported by relevant examples, making the arguments more compelling.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • role model
  • media-driven
  • publicized
  • public opinion
  • societal norms
  • brand representation
  • sponsors
  • inappropriate behavior
  • team dynamics
  • morale
  • personal accountability
  • public image
  • career and legacy
  • off-field behavior
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