In numerous nations, there is a growing trend for individuals to frequently discuss financial matters, such as their earnings or expenditures, in everyday conversation. What are the reasons behind this phenomenon?

At the present time, there is an increasing tendency of people
discussing
Change the verb form
to discuss
show examples
their financial conditions in
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
daily life. In my point of view,
this
stems from a widespread lack of self-awareness and is clearly detrimental
due to
the opportunity cost it creates. The main reason why people are inclined to talk about financial deals is in all society. The sense of modesty and feeling of demureness in the past
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
influenced today’s perception of what is prohibited and allowed.
For instance
, one of the most disseminated topics among humans is cryptocurrencies, stock equities, the price of gold, and other types of investment. Unfortunately, more often people converse about its purpose to show their superiority, and express their frustrations, meanwhile forgetting about their opponent's existence. Sooner or later they will own badly effective habits. In my way of thinking, discussing finances in daily life is not that worthwhile
comparing
Change the form of the verb
compared
show examples
to other topics. Valuable financial research can be done in more professional environments or online,
while
in everyday conversations they should not be opened.
For example
, conversation about various stories, delving into more deep topics related to art or politics or telling jokes to each other would give much greater value to meeting. It would help to improve
self intelligence
Add a hyphen
self-intelligence
show examples
and basic understanding of life rules. In summary, the tendency to discuss personal finances reflects a modern form of self-indulgence and often hinders conversations about more enjoyable or significant subjects. Of course, these observations do not hold true for everyone.
Submitted by moon2014angel on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
To improve Task Achievement, it would be beneficial to provide more specific and relevant examples that directly illustrate the points being made.
task achievement
Focus on expressing ideas more clearly and comprehensively. Some parts of the essay contain vague expressions and could be elaborated further.
coherence cohesion
In terms of Coherence and Cohesion, work on better linking the ideas between sentences and paragraphs for a smoother flow.
coherence cohesion
Although the introduction and conclusion are present, ensure that each paragraph has a clear topic sentence and concluding sentence to enhance logical structure.
introduction conclusion present
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, providing a solid framework for the discussion.
supported main points
The main points are identified, and there is an attempt to support them with examples, which strengthens the task response.
complete response
The essay addresses the task prompt adequately and provides a complete response, indicating a good understanding of the task requirements.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • economic climate
  • social media platforms
  • transparency
  • cultural shifts
  • financial literacy
  • manage finances
  • comparison
  • competition
  • consumerism
  • trust
  • financial matters
  • earnings
  • expenditures
What to do next:
Look at other essays: