IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Human activity has had a negative impact on plants and animals around the world. Some people think that this cannot be changed, while others think that actions can be taken to bring the change. Discuss both views and give your opinion

#activity #impact #plants #animals #world #people #actions #change
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It is argued that
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
plants
 and
animals
 are affected by
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
human activities around the
world
. Some
experties
Correct your spelling
experts
expertise
 believe that changes can be made to it,
while
other
Fix the agreement mistake
others
show examples
 thinks that it's not possible. I completely agree with the ideas and will support my opinion in
this
 essay with examples. Currently, the population in the
world
 is increasing day by day. So, in
orded
Correct your spelling
order
 to fit humans in the
world
, the authorities are cutting trees, mountains and
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
forests, which affects the
plants
 and
animals
. Because of
demolishing
Correct article usage
the demolishing
show examples
 of the forests,
animals
 are left with no or fewer
place
Fix the agreement mistake
places
show examples
 to live on the earth. Even the
world
 is
loosing
Replace the word
losing
show examples
 its greenery because of
cutting
Correct article usage
the cutting
show examples
 of
plants
 and trees.
As both
Correct word choice
Both
show examples
plants
 and
animals
 have their own importance. They should be saved. If we do not take proper actions on time
then
 there are more chances that we will
loose
Replace the word
lose
show examples
 different species of herbs and
animals
. The authorities can introduce various laws, of planting more and more trees and remaking new forests, to maintain the greenery of the earth, which will not only save the vegetation of the earth but will
also
 make the temperature cool and
pleasent
Correct your spelling
pleasant
 for the humans.
However
, the government should make specific places in which
animals
 will
be save
Change the verb form
be saved
show examples
 and can freely
rome
Correct your spelling
travel
 here and there without any fears of
human
Fix the agreement mistake
humans
show examples
.
Moreover
, it is
also
 assumed that with growing time it will be hard for authorities to protect
plants
 and
animals
 in the
world
 because
not
Correct your spelling
no
show examples
matters
Correct subject-verb agreement
matter
show examples
 what actions a
governnment
Correct your spelling
government
 takes, still they will have to
cutoff
Correct your spelling
cut
show examples
 their homes and fit
humanbeings
Correct your spelling
human beings
 there.
Along with
it
Add a comma
it,
show examples
 the harsh and savage behaviours of the people towards
animals
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
 another reason
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
 their decay in the future.
Hence
, it is proven that public activities have a huge impact on herbs and
animals
. The government can play a vital role in protecting them
for
Change preposition
from
show examples
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
decay, but
still
Add a comma
still,
show examples
 it is assumed that no one can save them from a disaster.
Submitted by hadiyanasir73 on

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Grammar
Watch out for spelling errors (e.g., 'experties' should be 'experts', 'orded' should be 'order', 'loosing' should be 'losing', 'rome' should be 'roam', 'governnment' should be 'government', 'humanbeings' should be 'human beings'). Grammar issues also need attention. There are repeated errors such as incorrect verb forms and articles (e.g., 'It is argued that the plants and animals are affected by the human activities around the world.' should be 'It is argued that plants and animals are affected by human activities around the world.)'.
Content and Structure
Some ideas in the essay need further clarification and depth. For example, while you mention laws and specific places for plants and animals, you could expand on what these laws might look like or give examples of places where this has worked. Try to balance the discussion of both views more. The idea that changes can be made to protect plants and animals isn't explored as thoroughly as the idea that it is impossible. Ensure that each paragraph maintains a clear focus. The second body paragraph shifts between ideas about the actions of authorities and the behavior of individuals; separating these points could make the argument clearer.
Coherence and Cohesion
Work on strengthening the linkage between ideas within paragraphs. For instance, in the second paragraph, making the connection between deforestation and its broader impacts on ecosystems and climate more explicit could enhance coherence. Consider using more varied and academic transitional phrases to improve cohesion (e.g., 'Moreover', 'In addition', 'However', 'Consequently').
Structure and Examples
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, making it easy for the reader to follow the writer's viewpoint. You provided relevant specific examples, demonstrating a good understanding of the topic.
Balance and Support
The main points are well-identified and generally supported with relevant information. The essay displays a clear attempt to balance the discussion of both perspectives, which is crucial for a task like this.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • negative impact
  • extinct
  • deforestation
  • pollution
  • habitat destruction
  • mitigate
  • reverse
  • stricter regulations
  • protected areas
  • endangered species
  • education and awareness campaigns
  • biodiversity
  • consequences
  • renewable energy sources
  • organic farming
  • eco-tourism
  • environmental regulations
  • sustainable practices
  • natural ecosystems
  • preserve biodiversity
What to do next:
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