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Writing Samples
Band 5

The behaviors of student in class become worse to worse. What has led to this situation? What can be done to solve it ?

#behaviors #student #class #situation
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The poor way in which
pupils
 conduct themselves in
class
 is a real issue
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
 teachers today.
This
 trend has been brought about by old-fashioned teaching methods, and
class
 size, which both need to be individually addressed. Out-of-date teaching techniques are one factor responsible for disruptive
behavior
Change the spelling
behaviour
show examples
 in classrooms. Young people today have grown up using technology like
smart phones
Correct your spelling
smartphones
show examples
 and tablets, which information at the touch of
button
Add an article
a button
show examples
.
In contrast
, many teachers deliver lessons using a board and pen, which results in students becoming bored and,
consequently
, disorderly.
School
Fix the agreement mistake
Schools
show examples
 have to invest money in the purchase of
up-to-dated
Correct your spelling
up-to-date
show examples
 technological equipment, and re-train teachers to be able to teach content in
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 way
that is
 more engaging to
pupils
. If
pupils
 are interested in the lesson content, they will be far less likely to cause trouble. Another major cause of
class
 behavior
in
Correct your spelling
is
show examples
class
 size. There are 32
pupils
 in the average UK
class
, and,
as a result
, it is almost impossible for one teacher to give everybody the individual attention they need.
Therefore
, children who finish early or are unable to complete a task are liable to start misbehaving
due
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
simply to the fact that they have nothing else to do.
Moreover
, the
major
Correct word choice
more
show examples
 people in a room, the higher the likelihood that one person will want to gain attention by behaving badly.
To solve
Change the verb form
Solving
show examples
 the issue requires government legislation.
Class
 size
need
Change the verb form
needs
show examples
 to be limited by law to 25 and, in the long term, money should be invested in more schools to reduce overcrowding. In conclusion, bad
behavior
Change the spelling
behaviour
show examples
 in school often stems from the
fat
Correct your spelling
fact
show examples
 that classrooms
that
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
contain too many people and too little modern equipment. Not until schools modernize their teaching techniques and government build more schools will the issue be fully resolved
Submitted by masud on

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coherence cohesion
Ensure that your writing has a clear logical structure and flows smoothly from one idea to the next. Consider using more varied linking words and phrases to enhance cohesion.
task achievement
Develop your ideas more comprehensively by providing additional examples or explanations for your points.
general
Pay attention to spelling and grammar errors. For instance, 'School have' should be 'Schools have,' 'up-to-dated' should be 'up-to-date,' and 'major' should be 'more.'
coherence cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion are strong, clearly setting out and summarizing your main points.
task achievement
You effectively identify and discuss two main causes of poor behavior in classrooms and suggest appropriate solutions.
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