Modern technology has made it possible for people to view exhibitions at home, so museum and art galleries will disappear soon. To what extend do you agree or disagree?

Although
advanced technology allows people to enjoy observing masterpiece exhibits online wherever they are, I do not think that it denies
roles
Correct article usage
the roles
show examples
of
museums
and
art
galleries
because they
also
function as
strages
Correct your spelling
strategies
for precious
works
and provide opportunities to observe their details to
visitors
. In
this
essay, I elaborate on my view. The primary reason why I believe that
museums
and
art
galleries
will exist regardless of online
exhibitions
is that they are the right
place
Fix the agreement mistake
places
show examples
to preserve objects. Since these items are sensitive to
temprature
Correct your spelling
temperature
and humidity, they should be preserved in an appropriate condition. They should be
also
protected from crime. If they
were
Wrong verb form
are
show examples
not stored
at
Change preposition
in
show examples
a low-security place, they will be easily stolen.
Therefore
, despite the convenience of exhibiting
works
online, it does not mean that
museums
are no longer useless.
Additionally
,
museums
and
art
galleries
offer
visitors
to view the details of
works
.
While
online
exhibitions
are advantageous
due to
their access, online viewers may have less impression and find fewer details than
visitors
at an exhibition venue.
That is
because they do not feel the size, three-dimensional
feature
Fix the agreement mistake
features
show examples
, and impacts of them. Taking the masterpiece Monarisa as an example, it can be seen online, people rarely know how big it is and how the surface of the drawing is on a screen.
Thus
, as visiting
exhibitions
physically is by far different from online ones, I do not think that
museums
and
galleries
will end their purposes. In conclusion, I strongly believe that
museums
and
art
galleries
will maintain their roles and exist even if online
exhibitions
becomes
Change the verb form
become
show examples
ubiquitous. They function to preserve valuable
works
and to offer
visitors
profound insight into
works
Correct article usage
the works
show examples
they exhibit .
Submitted by takuya13sugimoto on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

general
Although your ideas are well-developed, try to use a wider range of sentence structures and vocabulary to increase clarity and sophistication. This can help make your points more compelling.
task achievement
Try to paraphrase the prompt more effectively in your introduction to show a clear understanding of the question.
coherence cohesion
Ensure each paragraph clearly supports your overall argument. The use of examples is good, but make sure they seamlessly align with the points you are making.
introduction conclusion present
Your introduction and conclusion are strong and effectively frame the essay.
logical structure
The essay has a logical structure and the ideas flow well from one point to another.
supported main points
The argument is well-supported with relevant examples and detailed explanations.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
Topic Vocabulary:
  • immersive experience
  • sensory engagement
  • cultural heritage
  • virtual tours
  • art appreciation
  • communal engagement
  • interactive exhibits
  • preservation and conservation
  • tactile sensation
  • artifacts
  • heritage sites
  • economic impact
  • tourism
  • cognitive development
  • educational programs
What to do next:
Look at other essays: