In Britain, when someone gets old they often go to live in a home with other old people where there are nurses to look after them. Sometimes the government has to pay for this care. Who do you think should pay for this care, the government or the family?

3.0 / 9

Band scoreView breakdown ↓

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Introduction

Western

Add an article

the Western

show examples

world is common

that

Correct word choice

for

show examples

governments

partly

Fix the infinitive

to partly

show examples

cover

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

seniors

Fix the agreement mistake

senior

show examples

care

Use synonyms

services where those seniors live

together with

Linking Words

same aged

Add a hyphen

same-aged

show examples

people.

Furthermore

Linking Words

, are supported

with

Change preposition

show examples

doctors and nurses.

Body paragraph 1

In my

essey

Correct your spelling

essay

I would like to describe my point of view of

Linking Words

this

Correct determiner usage

these

show examples

services.

Body paragraph 2

From my point of view

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

elders

Replace the word

elderly

show examples

people

which

Correct pronoun usage

who

show examples

their

Correct pronoun usage

apply

show examples

are living alone or

they

Correct pronoun usage

apply

show examples

are not able to

care

Use synonyms

of their selfs

Correct your spelling

for themselves

show examples

because of their

healts

Correct your spelling

health

hearts

or disability. they should

Verb problem

have

show examples

got opportunity to live how they

deserves

Change the verb form

deserve

show examples

Linking Words

This people

Change the determiner

This person

These people

show examples

worked all their life and their

salary

Fix the agreement mistake

salaries

show examples

support

Wrong verb form

supported

show examples

the government.

Therefore

Linking Words

, I think that it's

great

Change the article

a great

show examples

time to saying them ''Thank you''

Body paragraph 3

On the other hand

Linking Words

, Their family should

Unnecessary verb

apply

show examples

also

Linking Words

contribute

for

Change preposition

show examples

Linking Words

this

Correct determiner usage

these

show examples

services, because of government cannot cover

whole

Change the article

the whole

show examples

price

for

Change preposition

show examples

this

Linking Words

care

Use synonyms

For example

Linking Words

, My mom

she living

Wrong verb form

lives

show examples

in the centre for the retirement and government

contribute

Correct subject-verb agreement

contributes

show examples

only 40% of the payment,

rest

Correct article usage

the rest

show examples

of the price she

cover

Change the verb form

covers

show examples

she

Change the pronoun

her

show examples

self and when she

need

Change the verb form

needs

show examples

some money so

what ever

Correct your spelling

whatever

show examples

I always

contribude

Correct your spelling

contribute

contributed

for

Change preposition

show examples

her

happinested

Correct your spelling

happiness

Conclusion

In Conclusion, The State should

Unnecessary verb

apply

show examples

always take

care

Use synonyms

of the seniors,

which

Fix the agreement mistake

who

show examples

invest whole their

life

Fix the agreement mistake

lives

show examples

at work and properly

payed

Wrong verb form

pay

show examples

tax

Fix the agreement mistake

taxes

show examples

. It is

very

Correct article usage

a very

show examples

nice benefit and

rewards

Fix the agreement mistake

reward

show examples

andrea.kroupova

Sep 23, 2024

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task achievement

Your essay responds to the prompt and discusses both views; however, more detailed examples and clearer arguments are needed to fully develop your points and support your arguments.

task achievement

Pay attention to grammar, spelling, and punctuation mistakes; these can undermine the clarity of your ideas. Revise your work to ensure each sentence is complete and makes sense.

coherence cohesion

Ensure each paragraph transitions smoothly into the next. Use linking words and phrases to connect your ideas coherently. This will help improve the logical structure of your essay.

coherence cohesion

Strengthen your introduction by clearly stating your main argument and briefly outlining the points you will discuss. This will help set a clear direction for your essay.

coherence cohesion

Expand on your conclusion to summarize the key points you have discussed and reinforce your main argument. This will help provide a strong, lasting impression.

task achievement

You have made a good attempt at discussing the topic and providing your opinion, which aligns with the task's requirements.

task achievement

The effort to include a personal example helps illustrate your point and makes your writing more relatable.

coherence cohesion

Your conclusion attempts to summarize the main points and reiterates the importance of government support for seniors, which is a good practice.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

Paragraph 1 - Introduction

Sentence 1 - Background statement
Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
Sentence 3 - Thesis
Sentence 4 - Outline sentence

Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

Sentence 1 - Summary
Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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7
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
1
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
44
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0

5.5

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

5.5

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 5.5

5.5

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

5.5

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

5 paragraphs

203 words

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Topic Vocabulary:

Aging population
Elderly care
Nursing homes
Social welfare
Intergenerational responsibility
Caregiving
Financial burden
Quality of life
Pension funds
Healthcare policy
Taxation
Subsidies
Private insurance
Long-term care
Sustainability

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In Britain, when someone gets old they often go to live in a home with other old people where there are nurses to look after them. Sometimes the government has to pay for this care. Who do you think should pay for this care, the government or the family?

In some countries, many people suffer from health problems due to eating too much fast food. It is, therefore, necessary for governments to impose a higher tax on this kind of food. Do you agree or disagree?

The use of the internet by teenagers should be limited because many of them have been target of cyberbullying. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

The internet has dramatically altered ourlives over the past few decades. Although someof these changes have been negative, the overall effect of this technology has been positive. What is your opinion on this?

homelessness is increasing in many major cities around the world. what do you think are the main causes of this problem and what measures can be taken to solve it?

Many people have difficulty in maintaining health diet. What are the causes of this problem ? How could it be solved?