In Britain, when someone gets old they often go to live in a home with other old people where there are nurses to look after them. Sometimes the government has to pay for this care. Who do you think should pay for this care, the government or the family?
In
Western
world is common Add an article
the Western
that
governments Correct word choice
for
partly
cover Fix the infinitive
to partly
the
Correct article usage
apply
seniors
Fix the agreement mistake
senior
care
services where those seniors live together with
same aged
people. Add a hyphen
same-aged
Furthermore
, are supported with
doctors and nurses.
In my Change preposition
by
essey
I would like to describe my point of view of Correct your spelling
essay
this
services.
From my point of view Correct determiner usage
these
the
Correct article usage
apply
elders
people Replace the word
elderly
which
Correct pronoun usage
who
their
are living alone or Correct pronoun usage
apply
they
are not able to Correct pronoun usage
apply
care
of their selfs
because of their Correct your spelling
for themselves
healts
or disability. they should Correct your spelling
health
hearts
be
got opportunity to live how they Verb problem
have
deserves
. Change the verb form
deserve
This people
worked all their life and their Change the determiner
This person
These people
salary
Fix the agreement mistake
salaries
support
the government. Wrong verb form
supported
Therefore
, I think that it's great
time to saying them ''Thank you''
Change the article
a great
On the other hand
, Their family should be
Unnecessary verb
apply
also
contribute for
Change preposition
to
this
services, because of government cannot cover Correct determiner usage
these
whole
price Change the article
the whole
for
Change preposition
of
this
care
. For example
, My mom she living
in the centre for the retirement and government Wrong verb form
lives
contribute
only 40% of the payment, Correct subject-verb agreement
contributes
rest
of the price she Correct article usage
the rest
cover
Change the verb form
covers
she
self and when she Change the pronoun
her
need
some money so Change the verb form
needs
what ever
I always Correct your spelling
whatever
contribude
Correct your spelling
contribute
contributed
for
her Change preposition
to
happinested
.
In Conclusion, The State should Correct your spelling
happiness
be
always take Unnecessary verb
apply
care
of the seniors, which
invest whole their Fix the agreement mistake
who
life
at work and properly Fix the agreement mistake
lives
payed
Wrong verb form
pay
tax
. It is Fix the agreement mistake
taxes
very
nice benefit and Correct article usage
a very
rewards
.Fix the agreement mistake
reward
Submitted by andrea.kroupova on
Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.
task achievement
Your essay responds to the prompt and discusses both views; however, more detailed examples and clearer arguments are needed to fully develop your points and support your arguments.
task achievement
Pay attention to grammar, spelling, and punctuation mistakes; these can undermine the clarity of your ideas. Revise your work to ensure each sentence is complete and makes sense.
coherence cohesion
Ensure each paragraph transitions smoothly into the next. Use linking words and phrases to connect your ideas coherently. This will help improve the logical structure of your essay.
coherence cohesion
Strengthen your introduction by clearly stating your main argument and briefly outlining the points you will discuss. This will help set a clear direction for your essay.
coherence cohesion
Expand on your conclusion to summarize the key points you have discussed and reinforce your main argument. This will help provide a strong, lasting impression.
task achievement
You have made a good attempt at discussing the topic and providing your opinion, which aligns with the task's requirements.
task achievement
The effort to include a personal example helps illustrate your point and makes your writing more relatable.
coherence cohesion
Your conclusion attempts to summarize the main points and reiterates the importance of government support for seniors, which is a good practice.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.