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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

The two maps show a park in 1920 and in present. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant

The two maps show a park in 1920 and in present. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant
#two #maps #show #park #summarise #information #features #comparisons
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The maps show the transformation of Grange
Park
in
Change preposition
from
show examples
 1920 to
present
Correct article usage
the present
show examples
 day. It is noteworthy that some modern facilities replaced the old and conventional features. The most significant change is the new amphitheatre located on the left side of the
park
, replacing the stage for musicians. Previously facing 360
degree
Change to a plural noun
degrees
show examples
, the new stage is designed to face one side of
audience
Add an article
the audience
show examples
.
Instead
 of a water fountain that used to be
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 the
center
Change the spelling
centre
show examples
 of the
park
, a new rose garden is the
centerpiece
Change the spelling
centrepiece
show examples
 of the
park
, with four seating areas surrounding it. These aforementioned four benches are
also
 newly located, as in 1920, they nested on the far left of the
park
 and close to the entrances. Another rose garden previously located on the left side of
Arnold
Correct article usage
the Arnold
show examples
 Avenue Entrance has been replaced with a cafe, with
new
Correct article usage
a new
show examples
 children's playground laid right beside it. Another new attraction in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
Grange
Park
 now is a newly constructed water feature, positioned on the mouth of
newly
Correct article usage
the newly
show examples
 opened underground car
park
 entrance. It
also
 can be accessed through the Eldon Street Entrance.
Submitted by sheillarachmania12 on

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "also".
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Basic structure: Change the third paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase your introduction. Words match: 100%.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words park with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "show" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: Only 5 basic words for charts were used.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the third paragraph.
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