IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

Some people think that there could be more benefits to society if more people study business than history. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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A group of people prefer that the youth choose their studies field in trade
instead
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 of history because it has a lot of merits for the population. I subscribe to
this
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 perspective
due to
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 the fact that commerce has a positive effect on economic development and finding job opportunities. On the one hand, the fact
that is
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 really important is that when the community studies business in the university, they learn how they can establish their firms and convert them into multinational cooperation.
In addition
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, they learn which goods have a more positive economic impact on their countries.
For example
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, across the world, most successful companies are founded by the public who have a trade background and competition start-ups and so forth.
On the other hand
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, businesses create systems that have a number of employment opportunities on account of the fact that most companies search for people who have a business background at the university ,
such
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 as financial management, marketing, and so on .
Moreover
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, they have the ability to use new strategies that develop their firms in some sections.
Firstly
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, they enhance financial status and increase profit.
Additionally
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, they find beneficial methods that grow the selling of products or services in the short run and lead their firms in
this
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 way .
To sum up
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, business are more crucial subject than history inasmuch as it aids countries to have a rising economic rate and provides a lot of opportunities for people to help companies to have an advanced trend.

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coherence cohesion
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coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion.
task achievement
The main argument is established and maintained throughout the essay.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • Entrepreneurship
  • Economic growth
  • Practical skills
  • Employment opportunities
  • Consumer awareness
  • Global markets
  • Cross-cultural communication
  • Cultural awareness
  • Critical thinking
  • Historical perspective
  • Balanced approach
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