In some countries unemployment is high, so some people think that children should only go to primary school and not to secondary school because, they will not be able to find jobs in the future. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Some
countries
have a high rate of unemployed people. As,
these Remove the comma
apply
countries
are still developing, they need resources from developed countries
but sometimes these developing countries
cannot fullfil
the requirement which changes its one of the Correct your spelling
fulfil
scenario
which affects jobs for their young professionals Fix the agreement mistake
scenarios
becasue
of Correct your spelling
because
this
the individuals of that countries
believed
that it is better to let their Wrong verb form
believe
children
go for just primary school
not
Add the comma(s)
, not
secondary
Add an article
a secondary
school
. School
structure
the Correct subject-verb agreement
structures
child
brain and Change noun form
child's
development
which will help in enhancing the peronal
and professional Correct your spelling
personal
development
of each individual. This
essay will discuss why I disagree with this
statement and will present suitable examples.
Schools
are structuring each and every individuals
Change to a genitive case
individual's
child
growth and Change noun form
child's
development
to deal with physical
and professional world. Add an article
the physical
For example
, recently I had
read in one of the Unnecessary verb
apply
newpapers
that one boy coming from Correct your spelling
newspapers
developing
country even though he didn't Correct article usage
a developing
came
from Change the verb form
come
wealthy
family but with his Add an article
a wealthy
school
and parents
Change noun form
parents'
parent's
supports
he Change the verb form
support
has
finished his education early. So, to Unnecessary verb
apply
supports
Wrong verb form
support
this
we can say that schools
are structing the child
growth and Change noun form
child's
to let
their Change the verb form
letting
children
educate
until secondary is very Wrong verb form
be educated
imoprtant
as in high Correct your spelling
important
schools
we choose our best subjects to help us grow through
Change preposition
apply
further
in our life.
Secondly
, as the
each Remove the article
apply
individuals
Change to a singular noun
individual
are
learning best from Correct subject-verb agreement
is
its
high Correct pronoun usage
apply
school
they are capable to create
Change preposition
of creating
the
employment of their own as they are smart enough to make it through Correct article usage
apply
thier
life. Correct your spelling
their
For example
, the top CEO's
of the Change noun form
CEOs
countries
are coming from developing countries
so in general developing countries
have a lot of talent in it. Schools
are just helping them structure to make it through physical
and professional world.
Add an article
the physical
Although
, in some countries
its
a fact that they don't have Replace the word
it's
it is
proper
resources to let their Correct article usage
the proper
children
go through high school
because of this
they opt to move out through
their Change preposition
of
countries
to learn from best
Correct article usage
the best
schools
and universities. For
example
some Add a comma
example,
countries
like Nigeria they are lacking in some resources so their each
Correct determiner usage
apply
children
opt to move out of country
to find a proper Add an article
the country
educationa
Correct your spelling
education
educational
nd
employment. AsCorrect your spelling
and
,
employment is Remove the comma
apply
very
important source for them to feed their family.
Add an article
a very
To sum up
, schools
are very imoprtant
for Correct your spelling
important
child
growth and development
especially high school
so, Correct pronoun usage
it its
its
very crucial to go to high Correct your spelling
is
school
to deal with physical
and professional world. Add an article
the physical
Although
, there are some factors which is
affecting them to go Change the verb form
are
for
high Change preposition
to
school
but
with the help of developed Remove the conjunction
apply
countries
we can still overcome this
situation.Submitted by pearlshah2912 on
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task achievement
Your essay covers the essential points, but some arguments lack depth. Try to elaborate more on why secondary education is crucial and how it benefits individuals and society as a whole.
coherence cohesion
Organize your essay more clearly. Ensure each paragraph has one main idea supported by relevant examples. This will help in maintaining a logical structure and avoid confusing the reader.
grammar
Be mindful of grammatical errors and typos. For instance, 'imoprtant' should be 'important', and 'to supports this' should be 'to support this'. A more polished writing style improves readability and coherence.
introduction
Your introduction is clear and provides a good overview of the essay's main points. This helps set a strong foundation for your argument.
examples
You provided some relevant examples to support your points. This helps in illustrating your arguments and making them more convincing.
conclusion
Your conclusion effectively summarizes the main points of your essay, reinforcing your argument against limiting education to primary school only.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.