In some countries young people are encouraged to work or travel for a year between finishing high school and starting university studies. Discuss the advantages and disadvantages for young people who decide to do this.
The idea
between encouraged
Change preposition
of encouraging
people
to work
and travel for a year
after finishing highschool
or starting university studies Correct your spelling
high school
pros
and consAdd a missing verb
has pros
itself
. Some Correct pronoun usage
apply
people
like to go traveling
because they want to Change the spelling
travelling
refreshing
their Change the verb
refresh
brain
after finishing their exams. They want to make good memories with their high school friends or families Fix the agreement mistake
brains
with
vacation before they separate to achieve their careers in the universities they had Change preposition
on
choose
. Travelling Wrong verb form
chosen
allow
young Correct subject-verb agreement
allows
people
to explore the
other places, experience different Correct article usage
apply
culture
and meet new Fix the agreement mistake
cultures
people
. This
exposure can develop their independence. Meanwhile, young people
were encouraged to work
due to
they want
to improve their practical skills, Wrong verb form
wanted
work
experience and the
others. But, sometimes young Correct article usage
apply
people
have a lot of responsibility to restore their financial and economic situations. There are a lot of reasons why young people
worked
after finishing their highschool Wrong verb form
work
such
as collecting money for college fees, have
to pay their family’s debts and Wrong verb form
having
the
others
My Correct article usage
apply
counsin
Correct your spelling
cousin
go
to the other island to Correct subject-verb agreement
goes
working
as Wrong verb form
work
lumberjack
after finishing high school and does not take the Correct article usage
a lumberjack
collage
studies in the university. He Correct your spelling
college
have
Change the verb form
has
take
the Change the verb form
taken
work
because his father already died one year
ago. So, he decide
to take Change the verb form
decides
the
gap Correct article usage
a
year
for 1 year
to restore their family’s ecnomoic
and Correct your spelling
economic
finansial
to survive.
Correct your spelling
financial
Overall
, both of ideas
have some positive things to achieve a lot of good experience. Correct article usage
the ideas
However
it depends on the individual’s skill and ability to manage these risks and make the most of the good opportunity they already take.Add a comma
However,
Submitted by riani.the2 on
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structure
Work on ensuring that your essay has a clearer structure with distinct paragraphs for the introduction, body, and conclusion. Each paragraph should focus on a single point and transition smoothly to the next.
examples
Include more specific and detailed examples to support your points. Real-life examples are useful, but they need to be better integrated into the discussion to illustrate the broader context.
grammar
Pay attention to grammatical errors and awkward phrasings. While minor inaccuracies won't heavily impact your score, try to ensure that your sentences are clear and grammatically correct.
balanced view
You have addressed both advantages and disadvantages of taking a gap year, which shows a balanced approach to the task.
personal example
The use of a personal example adds a unique perspective to your essay and makes it more engaging.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.