Fulltime students should spend a lot of time on studies, but they should be involved in other activities too. To what extend do you agreed or disagreed
Nowadays, a lot of
students
are focused on their studies and spend their entire day studying for long hours. On the other side, some people think it is also
crucial to participate in extracurricular activities
to maintain physical and mental well-being. From my personal point of view, students
should be encouraged to participate in different kind
of Fix the agreement mistake
kinds
activities
just to get some time for themselves.
First of all, spending time outside or doing other activities
can be really beneficial for instance
it can help with physical health. It has been proven that people who spend more time outside where less likely get
Fix the infinitive
to get
a heart attacks
and less likely to develop any disease. Correct the article-noun agreement
heart attacks
a heart attack
Furthermore
, activities
such
as soccer, basketball, swimming, and others
sports can really teach Correct quantifier usage
other
life-lessons
to the young generation. These sports teach teamwork and leadership. These skills are fundamental in real-life situations and Correct your spelling
life lessons
this
will help students
in their later life
when they become adults. There Fix the agreement mistake
lives
has
been many studies done by scientists, and they have found Change the verb form
have
out
that Change preposition
apply
students
who got involved in physical activities
had lower levels of stress.
However
, it is important to mention that students
shoud
maintain a healthy balance between studies and these Correct your spelling
should
activities
because this
can lead to bad performance at school and in consequence ruin their future career
.
In conclusion, I do believe having something to do other than studying is great, but we should Fix the agreement mistake
careers
also
be focused on our career
.Fix the agreement mistake
careers
Submitted by sunnyjt62 on
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task achievement
The essay could benefit from more specific examples to support the main points. Try to include real-world examples or statistics to strengthen your argument.
task achievement
A clearer thesis statement in the introduction would make your position more precise. Make it a bit more explicit whether you agree or disagree and to what extent.
coherence cohesion
Work on improving the logical flow between paragraphs. Ensure each paragraph transitions smoothly to the next to enhance coherence.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which helps organize the argument well.
task achievement
You provided a balanced view by discussing both the importance of studies and extracurricular activities.
task achievement
Your examples related to physical activities and their benefits are relevant and contribute well to the argument.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.
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