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Writing Samples
Band 4

Fulltime students should spend a lot of time on studies, but they should be involved in other activities too. To what extend do you agreed or disagreed

#fulltime #students #time #studies #activities
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Nowadays, a lot of
students
Use synonyms
 are focused on their studies and spend their entire day studying for long hours. On the other side, some people think it is
also
Linking Words
 crucial to participate in extracurricular
activities
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 to maintain physical and mental well-being. From my personal point of view,
students
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 should be encouraged to participate in different
kind
Fix the agreement mistake
kinds
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 of
activities
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 just to get some time for themselves. First of all, spending time outside or doing other
activities
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 can be really beneficial
for instance
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 it can help with physical health. It has been proven that people who spend more time outside where less likely
get
Fix the infinitive
to get
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a heart attacks
Correct the article-noun agreement
heart attacks
a heart attack
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 and less likely to develop any disease.
Furthermore
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,
activities
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such
Linking Words
 as soccer, basketball, swimming, and
others
Correct quantifier usage
other
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 sports can really teach
life-lessons
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life lessons
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 to the young generation. These sports teach teamwork and leadership. These skills are fundamental in real-life situations and
this
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 will help
students
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 in their later
life
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lives
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 when they become adults. There
has
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have
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 been many studies done by scientists, and they have found
out
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apply
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that
students
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 who got involved in physical
activities
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 had lower levels of stress.
However
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, it is important to mention that
students
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shoud
Correct your spelling
should
 maintain a healthy balance between studies and these
activities
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 because
this
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 can lead to bad performance at school and in consequence ruin their future
career
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careers
show examples
. In conclusion, I do believe having something to do other than studying is great, but we should
also
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 be focused on our
career
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careers
show examples
.
Submitted by sunnyjt62 on

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task achievement
The essay could benefit from more specific examples to support the main points. Try to include real-world examples or statistics to strengthen your argument.
task achievement
A clearer thesis statement in the introduction would make your position more precise. Make it a bit more explicit whether you agree or disagree and to what extent.
coherence cohesion
Work on improving the logical flow between paragraphs. Ensure each paragraph transitions smoothly to the next to enhance coherence.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which helps organize the argument well.
task achievement
You provided a balanced view by discussing both the importance of studies and extracurricular activities.
task achievement
Your examples related to physical activities and their benefits are relevant and contribute well to the argument.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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