IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people believe that stricter punishments can reduce crime rates. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

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The debate
whether
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about whether
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 strict punishments should be implemented or not to lower the level of
crime
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 is ongoing. Many
people
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 think if the government introduces
laws
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 to punish criminals,
this
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 can in consequence lead
people
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 to fear the
laws
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 and they will not
likely
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be likely
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 to commit
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crime
Fix the agreement mistake
crimes
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.
For instance
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, many countries
such
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 as Saudia Arabia and Palestine have very strict
laws
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 against drugs
where
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and
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people
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 can even lose their fingers if they are found out of
commiting
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committing
 these crimes. Many studies
shows
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show
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 that countries in the Middle East have lower rates of
crime
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 because most
people
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 are afraid for their lives.
This
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 can contribute to a safer society where everyone
respect
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respects
show examples
 each other and
follow
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follows
show examples
 the rules. But
this
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 is not all, there are many other benefits.
For instance
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, money that
are
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is
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 being used to feed these criminals can be used in better ways,
such
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 as building
infrastractures
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infrastructure
infrastructures
, roads, hospitals and parks.
On the other hand
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, some other individuals believe that having these rules will not do much because they think that
crime
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 is not something that can be eliminated and reduced easily. They believe that a person
commiting
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committing
commits
 a
crime
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 may have many different reasons,
such
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 as poverty is one of them.
People
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 commit crimes because they do not have enough to eat or provide for their families and
this
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 can force them to steal.
Additionally
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, education plays an important role here. Some studies show that less educated
people
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 who dropped out of high school were more likely to commit dangerous crimes compared to
people
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 who went to college and finished their studies. In conclusion, I
definetely
Correct your spelling
definitely
 think stricter
laws
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 should be implemented in every country, but every person should have
the
Correct article usage
apply
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adequate financial support from the government and they should
receieve
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receive
 the education they need.

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coherence/cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph has a clear and distinct topic to enhance the logical flow of the essay.
task achievement
Though the essay is quite comprehensive, there are a few grammatical errors and awkward phrases. Proofreading for minor errors could improve clarity.
task achievement
You have presented a balanced discussion on both views, providing relevant examples to support your points.
coherence/cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are clearly presented, making your argument clear from start to finish.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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