Some people believe that stricter punishments can reduce crime rates. Discuss both views and give your opinion.
The debate
whether
strict punishments should be implemented or not to lower the level of Change preposition
about whether
crime
is ongoing. Many people
think if the government introduces laws
to punish criminals, this
can in consequence lead people
to fear the laws
and they will not likely
to commit Add a missing verb
be likely
crime
. Fix the agreement mistake
crimes
For instance
, many countries such
as Saudia Arabia and Palestine have very strict laws
against drugs where
Correct word choice
and
people
can even lose their fingers if they are found out of commiting
these crimes.
Many studies Correct your spelling
committing
shows
that countries in the Middle East have lower rates of Change the verb form
show
crime
because most people
are afraid for their lives. This
can contribute to a safer society where everyone respect
each other and Change the verb form
respects
follow
the rules. But Change the verb form
follows
this
is not all, there are many other benefits. For instance
, money that are
being used to feed these criminals can be used in better ways, Change the verb form
is
such
as building infrastractures
, roads, hospitals and parks.
Correct your spelling
infrastructure
infrastructures
On the other hand
, some other individuals believe that having these rules will not do much because they think that crime
is not something that can be eliminated and reduced easily. They believe that a person commiting
a Correct your spelling
committing
commits
crime
may have many different reasons, such
as poverty is one of them. People
commit crimes because they do not have enough to eat or provide for their families and this
can force them to steal. Additionally
, education plays an important role here. Some studies show that less educated people
who dropped out of high school were more likely to commit dangerous crimes compared to people
who went to college and finished their studies.
In conclusion, I definetely
think stricter Correct your spelling
definitely
laws
should be implemented in every country, but every person should have the
adequate financial support from the government and they should Correct article usage
apply
receieve
the education they need.Correct your spelling
receive
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coherence/cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph has a clear and distinct topic to enhance the logical flow of the essay.
task achievement
Though the essay is quite comprehensive, there are a few grammatical errors and awkward phrases. Proofreading for minor errors could improve clarity.
task achievement
You have presented a balanced discussion on both views, providing relevant examples to support your points.
coherence/cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are clearly presented, making your argument clear from start to finish.
Your opinion
Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.
If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.
Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.
Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:
...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?
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