IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

It is crucial to teach children in the right direction at an early age, some individuals suggest punishment is a potential tool for helping them learn effectively, I strongly agree with this notion. In the following paragraphs, the advantages and possible types of punishments will be discussed in detail before the conclusion is reached.

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While
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 there are many ways of teaching toddlers in their primary years, I consider punishments to be the most efficient way to educate them because
it
Correct pronoun usage
they
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 vividly
demonstrates
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demonstrate
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 to them what should not have been done. Punishments serve as a guide in
this
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 scenario case. One of the obvious reasons I believe so is the fact that by disciplining a child, you let them reflect on their improper behaviour.
For instance
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, during my childhood, I often resorted to eating sweet candies, which might have eventually grown into a bad habit. Fortunately, my parents observed my tendency and hid all the sugary-containing products, probably saving loads of money I could have spent on dentist appointments.
Furthermore
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, reminiscing about past misbehaviour makes children involuntarily think about the potential repercussions their actions may lead to.
Therefore
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,
punishment
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also
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 prevents the future unwanted impacts of improper conduct. On the other side of the coin, some adults might not properly understand what a "good"
punishment
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 is, which might cause psychological issues and childhood traumas.
Thus
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, it is crucial to comprehend the boundaries of
punishment
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.
For example
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, no individual should ever resort to physical abuse disguising it as nurturing a toddler.
Overall
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, I would like to state that a proper
punishment
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 for bad deeds is absolutely necessary in order to bring up a well-mannered person. Some people might use it in the wrong way though.

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Coherence and Cohesion
Your essay is well-structured with a clear introduction, body, and conclusion. Continue to ensure each paragraph transitions smoothly and logically connects to the next. This helps the reader follow your argument easily.
Coherence and Cohesion
Incorporate more varied sentence structures and vocabulary to enhance readability and demonstrate your language proficiency. This will also reduce any repetitiveness in your argumentation.
Task Response
Continue to support your points with specific examples, as you did with the story about your childhood. This adds credibility to your arguments and makes them more relatable.
Task Response
Be cautious about potential counterarguments and address them more comprehensively. Acknowledging opposing views and providing a reasoned refutation can strengthen your essay.
Coherence and Cohesion
Your essay is clear, logically structured, and easy to follow. Each paragraph has a clear main idea, which is well-supported by examples.
Task Response
Specific examples, like your childhood experience with sweets, effectively illustrate your points and enhance your argument.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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