IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

University students should learn a range of other subjects and not just one subject.

#university #students #range #subjects
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Every single academic learner should study a different type of
subject
Use synonyms
 or
one
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subject
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 would be enough to learn.
Although
Linking Words
, the
students
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 who
studies
Change the verb form
study
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 many
subjects
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 might be helpful. Focusing on
one
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subject
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 can bring more benefits for professionalism
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 their jobs. On the
one
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 hand, many university
students
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 need to learn a certain
subject
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according to
Linking Words
 their field.
Therefore
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,
to focus
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focusing
show examples
 on
one
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subject
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 could be more effective in order to gain knowledge.
For instance
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, in the country of Germany has a special and successful teaching system in higher education that their universities teach only necessary
subjects
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 for their major.
Moreover
Linking Words
, in
Germany
Add a comma
Germany,
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 different spheres are developed
comparing
Wrong verb form
compared
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 to other countries. The main reason for
development
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the development
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 in every single major is that the German authority teaches only important
subjects
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 related to
students
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'
field
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fields
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. Learning specific
subjects
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 may bring benefits.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, learning numerous types of
subjects
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 would be helpful throughout
students
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' lives because being aware of various
subjects
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 may lead to
be
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being
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 a flexible and knowledgeable person. To exemplify,
students
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, if they would study other
subjects
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 apart from their own, and those
subjects
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 might give them the main knowledge. If they
may
Verb problem
apply
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face extreme situations like a medical emergency, they may handle that kind of
cases
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case
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 easily by using
their
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the
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knowledges
Change the wording
knowledge
pieces of knowledge
bits of knowledge
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 that they have
got
Verb problem
apply
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.
In addition
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, every
subject
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is playing
Wrong verb form
plays
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the
Correct article usage
a
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 specific role, so as much as possible
students
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 need to learn other
subjects
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.
To sum up
Linking Words
, I
am partially agree
Change the verb form
partially agree
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 that people who learn in an academic education should know more about their major than concentrating on other modules.
Submitted by makemoneyizzy16 on

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coherence cohesion
Your essay needs a clearer structure. The introduction should provide a thesis statement that outlines your main argument. Each paragraph should have a clear topic sentence and all subsequent sentences should support this idea.
task achievement
It would be helpful to provide more specific examples to illustrate your points. For instance, rather than just mentioning Germany, include specific universities or systems.
task achievement
Try to develop your ideas more fully in each paragraph. For example, discuss the benefits and drawbacks of learning a range of subjects in greater depth.
task achievement
Your essay addresses both sides of the argument, showing a balanced view.
coherence cohesion
The conclusion provides a summary of your arguments, making it clear where you stand on the issue.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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