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Band 4

University students should learn a range of other subjects and not just one subject.

#university #students #range #subjects
Every single academic learner should study a different type of
subject
 or
one
subject
 would be enough to learn.
Although
, the
students
 who
studies
Change the verb form
study
show examples
 many
subjects
 might be helpful. Focusing on
one
subject
 can bring more benefits for professionalism
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 their jobs. On the
one
 hand, many university
students
 need to learn a certain
subject
according to
 their field.
Therefore
,
to focus
Change the verb form
focusing
show examples
 on
one
subject
 could be more effective in order to gain knowledge.
For instance
, in the country of Germany has a special and successful teaching system in higher education that their universities teach only necessary
subjects
 for their major.
Moreover
, in
Germany
Add a comma
Germany,
show examples
 different spheres are developed
comparing
Wrong verb form
compared
show examples
 to other countries. The main reason for
development
Add an article
the development
show examples
 in every single major is that the German authority teaches only important
subjects
 related to
students
'
field
Fix the agreement mistake
fields
show examples
. Learning specific
subjects
 may bring benefits.
On the other hand
, learning numerous types of
subjects
 would be helpful throughout
students
' lives because being aware of various
subjects
 may lead to
be
Change the verb form
being
show examples
 a flexible and knowledgeable person. To exemplify,
students
, if they would study other
subjects
 apart from their own, and those
subjects
 might give them the main knowledge. If they
may
Verb problem
apply
show examples
face extreme situations like a medical emergency, they may handle that kind of
cases
Fix the agreement mistake
case
show examples
 easily by using
their
Change the word
the
show examples
knowledges
Change the wording
knowledge
pieces of knowledge
bits of knowledge
show examples
 that they have
got
Verb problem
apply
show examples
.
In addition
, every
subject
is playing
Wrong verb form
plays
show examples
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 specific role, so as much as possible
students
 need to learn other
subjects
.
To sum up
, I
am partially agree
Change the verb form
partially agree
show examples
 that people who learn in an academic education should know more about their major than concentrating on other modules.
Submitted by makemoneyizzy16 on

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coherence cohesion
Your essay needs a clearer structure. The introduction should provide a thesis statement that outlines your main argument. Each paragraph should have a clear topic sentence and all subsequent sentences should support this idea.
task achievement
It would be helpful to provide more specific examples to illustrate your points. For instance, rather than just mentioning Germany, include specific universities or systems.
task achievement
Try to develop your ideas more fully in each paragraph. For example, discuss the benefits and drawbacks of learning a range of subjects in greater depth.
task achievement
Your essay addresses both sides of the argument, showing a balanced view.
coherence cohesion
The conclusion provides a summary of your arguments, making it clear where you stand on the issue.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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