Some people believe that arts education (e.g., music, drama, visual arts) is as important as other school subjects, while others think it is less important. Do you agree or disagree with this idea that arts education is as important as other subjects? Give reasons for your answet and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge experience.
Some people argue that
arts
subject
, Change the noun form
subjects
such
as music, drama, and visual arts
, is
essential as other Verb problem
are as
subjects
, however
others believe that it is unimportant. I disagree with the view that Add a comma
however,
deem
Wrong verb form
deeming
arts
subjects
is unessential. Arts
subject
helps students
stimulating
their Wrong verb form
stimulate
brain
and Fix the agreement mistake
brains
enhancing
their creativity Wrong verb form
enhance
that
can be applied to other Correct pronoun usage
which
subjects
.
Generally, arts
subject has
an important role to Wrong verb form
have
students
similarly
Change the word
similar
with
the core Change preposition
to
subjects
such
as sciences and social. Arts
subject
stimulates students
brain in different
way than the compulsory Add an article
a different
subjects
do. For instances
, compared to compulsory studies that tend to be rigid and have way too many rules, Fix the agreement mistake
instance
arts
offers
flexibility that Correct subject-verb agreement
offer
allow
Change the verb form
allows
students
to think outside of the box. Therefore
, students
who are not binded
in thinking can channel their creativity in creating innovation that leads to increasing economic value.
Correct your spelling
bound
Additionally
, arts
subject
Fix the agreement mistake
subjects
is
different Correct subject-verb agreement
are
compare
to other Wrong verb form
compared
subjects
as it
can be part of entertainment and Correct pronoun usage
they
simultanesouly
an approach Correct your spelling
simultaneously
in
learning. Change preposition
to
Furthermore
, an approach through art can be applied and assimilated with other sectors that far
from the art Add a missing verb
are far
subjects
sphere such
as technology. Nowadays, researchers include arts
aspect as part of the technological innovation to give a proposition value to the product. Correct article usage
the arts
For example
, the latest phone release collaborates with a renowned artist as a phone designer. Thus
, we cannot undervalue arts
subject
as it has its own value to offer.
To conclude
, studying arts
offers many advantages for students
' endeavours. All school subjects
are matters and without exception arts
subjects
.Submitted by sariksma on
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grammar
There are minor grammatical mistakes and typos like 'deem' instead of 'deems', 'subjects is essential' instead of 'subjects are essential', 'instimulating' should be 'in stimulating', and so on. Correcting these errors can make your essay clearer and more professional.
content development
Though your points about art's contribution to creativity and its application in other fields like technology are relevant, they lack specific examples and in-depth analysis. Adding more concrete examples can strengthen your position.
structure
Your essay has a clear introduction and a conclusion that effectively summarize your main points.
content relevance
You provide valid arguments about why arts education is important, and the main points are clearly stated.
Word Count
IELTS says that you should write a minimum of 250 words in writing task 2. If you go under word count you will lose marks in task response.
A very long essay will not give you a higher band score.
Aim for between 260 to 290 words in writing task 2. This will ensure a concise essay and will be realistic in terms of time management. You have only 40 minutes to write the essay and you need around 10 minutes of planning time, so you will not be able to write a long essay in 30 minutes.