Some people say that music is a good way of bringing people of different cultures and ages together. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?.

#people #music #cultures #ages

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Music

Use synonyms

has become a part of our life.

People

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in their free time prefer to listen to

music

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. Some

people

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think that for bringing

people

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of different cultures together,

music

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is a good medium. I agree with

this

Linking Words

statement to a large extent.

Firstly

Linking Words

people

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listen to different cultures’

music

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and become

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

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fan

Fix the agreement mistake

fans

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of that singer. The singers convey their culture’s message through the

songs

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For instance

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, my brother mostly listens to Sawiki

songs

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While

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he is a Punjabi, he is a big

fan

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of Saraiki

songs

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. In

this

Linking Words

way, he came to know

Saraiki

Correct article usage

the Saraiki

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language and their culture.

Secondly

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, some

people

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will listen to

music

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very carefully. They become the

fan

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of that

music

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singer and they listen to him. If he

say

Change the verb form

says

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them to be united, they will unite. For illustration, my friend loves Loreen’s

music

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so much. He listens to

songs

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and follows her.

Lastly

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people

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go to different cultures’ singers’ concerts. There is no restriction for different

culture

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cultural

show examples

people

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people

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spent a lot of money to attend their concert.

For example

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, my sister who is a big

fan

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of Karan Aujla. She spent a lot of money to attend his concert where she met different

people

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of different cultures. In conclusion,

music

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brings

people

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of different cultures together through concerts and through listening to their favourite singers.

Submitted by sajeehulzamans on Mon Sep 23 2024

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introduction

Your introduction is clear but can be slightly expanded to provide more context and background for your argument.

logical structure

Work on organizing your ideas more logically. Some points seem repetitive or not fully connected. Consider using more linking phrases to improve the flow between sentences and paragraphs.

supported main points

Ensure each paragraph is fully developed and contains a clear main idea supported by examples.

clear comprehensive ideas

It's important to elaborate on your points further. Provide more explanations and develop your ideas to show how music can bring different cultures and ages together.

task response

Your essay addresses the task effectively and provides relevant examples to support your points.

introduction conclusion present

The conclusion effectively summarizes your main points and reinforces your argument.

relevant specific examples

You've included personal anecdotes which help in making your argument relatable.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

Paragraph 1 - Introduction

Sentence 1 - Background statement
Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
Sentence 3 - Thesis
Sentence 4 - Outline sentence

Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

Sentence 1 - Summary
Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

7
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
4
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
5
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 5.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 5.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

5 paragraphs

222 words

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Topic Vocabulary:

universal language
evoke
connect
diverse audiences
cultural exchange
generational gaps
shared experiences
unifying force

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Some people say that music is a good way of bringing people of different cultures and ages together. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?.

Fully explain your ideas

Some say an ageing population creates problems for governments. Others believe there are benefits to society having more elderly people. To what extent do the advantages of possessing an ageing population outweigh the disadvantages?

Some people think robots are very important to humans' future development while others think they are dangerous and have negative effects on society. Discuss both views and give your opinion

Many people in the music business feel that illegal music sites on the internet are a serious threat to the industry and more should be done to prevent them from operating. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this view?