Some people believe that traveling abroad is beneficial for personal development and cultural understanding. Others argue that traveling within one's own country is more valuable and rewarding. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

#people #development #country

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Nowadays,

people

Use synonyms

around the world go on trips more in comparison with previous decades.

Although

Linking Words

some opine that foreign destinations will bear more impressive advantages for both personal and social enhancements,

some

Correct quantifier usage

apply

show examples

others claim that domestic travel will be more beneficial. I agree with the first perspective and both notions will be discussed in the following paragraphs. Some argue that if citizens opt for tourist locations of their own

country

Use synonyms

for

traveling

Change the spelling

travelling

show examples

, it will bear more cultural and economic value for them.

In other words

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, they believe that

people

Use synonyms

will realize

their

Change the word

the

show examples

geographical features, historical places and diverse cultures which exist in their

country

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For example

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, they will become aware of their land's monuments which are threatened by different matters,

thus

Linking Words

concerns about

such

Linking Words

worthy possessions will increase, an issue which puts authorities under pressure to appropriately conserve and restore them.

On the other hand

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, in their attitude, domestic travel will be lucrative for the

country

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due to

Linking Words

the fact that

people

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will spend their money in their own

country

Use synonyms

and taking

such

Linking Words

action will bring more profits for the society by preventing money exit. Others and I,

however

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, hold a different opinion that international

traveling

Change the spelling

travelling

show examples

will have more positive points for both individuals and their society. In the beginning, awareness of other nations' cultures, languages and developments is only available by taking

such

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trips.

Accordingly

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, becoming conscious of other communities' features will ease communication ways among countries,

the

Correct article usage

show examples

factor which assists in the improvement of the

country

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. For

illustrating

Replace the word

illustration

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, if

people

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travel to a developed city, they will find items which are influential in attracting tourists,

hence

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by bringing

such

Linking Words

knowledge to their land, they will improve their weak points in

this

Linking Words

field.

Therefore

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, the

country

Use synonyms

can attract more foreign

travelers

Change the spelling

travellers

show examples

and raise their income through

this

Linking Words

action. In conclusion, there are two viewpoints :

first,

Linking Words

traveling

Change the spelling

travelling

show examples

within one's own

country

Use synonyms

will bear more benefits for

people

Use synonyms

and their societies;

second,

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international trips are more valuable for individuals, the idea which I agree with

due to

Linking Words

the fact that taking

such

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action will cause more communications among nations.

Submitted by shaghayegh95shadman on Mon Sep 23 2024

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task achievement

Ensure that the essay maintains clarity throughout and avoid overly complex sentences that might confuse the reader. Simplifying some of the language will also help in making your arguments clearer and more straightforward. Additionally, use more relevant, specific examples to support your points.

coherence cohesion

To make your essay even more coherent, use more varied linking words and phrases. This will help in smoothly guiding the reader from one point to the next. Make sure each paragraph flows logically into the next to maintain a strong overall structure.

task achievement

The essay has a clear, well-structured introduction that presents both views effectively. This sets a strong foundation for the rest of the essay.

task achievement

You have done a commendable job in supporting your main points with relevant arguments and examples. This strengthens your overall argument and makes your points more persuasive.

coherence cohesion

The concluding paragraph effectively summarizes the essay's main points and reinforces your opinion, creating a strong and lasting impression.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

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14
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
2
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 7.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

349 words

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Some people believe that traveling abroad is beneficial for personal development and cultural understanding. Others argue that traveling within one's own country is more valuable and rewarding. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Many people choose to travel abroad to learn a foreign language instead of studying in their home town . What are the advantages and disadvantages of this ?

Some cities create housing areas by providing taller buildings. Others create housing by building houses on a wider area of land. What solution is better?

Learning English at school is often seen as more important than learning local languages.If these are not taught, many are at risk of dying out. In your opinion, is it important for everyone to learn English? Should we try to ensure the survival of local languages and if so, how?

In some countries, an increasing number of children are overweight or obese as a result of eating too much fast food. Banning fast food from school canteens is the best way to fight this problem. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

Some people believe that teenagers should study all school subjects. Others argue that they should focus on only the subjects that they are good at or find most interesting. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.