Some people believe that traveling abroad is beneficial for personal development and cultural understanding. Others argue that traveling within one's own country is more valuable and rewarding. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.
Nowadays,
people
around the world go on trips more in comparison with previous decades. Although
some opine that foreign destinations will bear more impressive advantages for both personal and social enhancements, some
others claim that domestic travel will be more beneficial. I agree with the first perspective and both notions will be discussed in the following paragraphs.
Some argue that if citizens opt for tourist locations of their own Correct quantifier usage
apply
country
for traveling
, it will bear more cultural and economic value for them. Change the spelling
travelling
In other words
, they believe that people
will realize their
geographical features, historical places and diverse cultures which exist in their Change the word
the
country
. For example
, they will become aware of their land's monuments which are threatened by different matters, thus
concerns about such
worthy possessions will increase, an issue which puts authorities under pressure to appropriately conserve and restore them. On the other hand
, in their attitude, domestic travel will be lucrative for the country
due to
the fact that people
will spend their money in their own country
and taking such
action will bring more profits for the society by preventing money exit.
Others and I, however
, hold a different opinion that international traveling
will have more positive points for both individuals and their society. In the beginning, awareness of other nations' cultures, languages and developments is only available by taking Change the spelling
travelling
such
trips. Accordingly
, becoming conscious of other communities' features will ease communication ways among countries, the
factor which assists in the improvement of the Correct article usage
a
country
. For illustrating
, if Replace the word
illustration
people
travel to a developed city, they will find items which are influential in attracting tourists, hence
by bringing such
knowledge to their land, they will improve their weak points in this
field. Therefore
, the country
can attract more foreign travelers
and raise their income through Change the spelling
travellers
this
action.
In conclusion, there are two viewpoints : first,
traveling
within one's own Change the spelling
travelling
country
will bear more benefits for people
and their societies; second,
international trips are more valuable for individuals, the idea which I agree with due to
the fact that taking such
action will cause more communications among nations.Submitted by shaghayegh95shadman on
Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.
task achievement
Ensure that the essay maintains clarity throughout and avoid overly complex sentences that might confuse the reader. Simplifying some of the language will also help in making your arguments clearer and more straightforward. Additionally, use more relevant, specific examples to support your points.
coherence cohesion
To make your essay even more coherent, use more varied linking words and phrases. This will help in smoothly guiding the reader from one point to the next. Make sure each paragraph flows logically into the next to maintain a strong overall structure.
task achievement
The essay has a clear, well-structured introduction that presents both views effectively. This sets a strong foundation for the rest of the essay.
task achievement
You have done a commendable job in supporting your main points with relevant arguments and examples. This strengthens your overall argument and makes your points more persuasive.
coherence cohesion
The concluding paragraph effectively summarizes the essay's main points and reinforces your opinion, creating a strong and lasting impression.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.
Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.
When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.
Linking words for giving examples:
- for example
- for instance
- to illustrate this
- to give a clear example
- such as
- namely
- to illustrate
- take, for example