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Band 6

Some feel that individuals today spend too much time following political news while others feel politics deserves greater attention. Discuss both sides and give your own opinion.

#feel #individuals #time #news #politics #attention
It is believed by some individuals, that young adults need the careers that they are dreaming of, but others disagree with that, and advise them to be more careful and choose occupations that will give them decent lives.
This
 essay agrees with the first statement that juveniles should choose what they really like. Young people should choose the profession that they want. Our job is something that most of us will probably do for more than 30 years. So, in my opinion, everyone should do what they love doing, because we only live once. Satisfaction is more important than a paycheck. A few years ago, there was research in Germany, which showed, that people who have hobbies as their job are more satisfied in life.
However
, many disagree with it and think that you go to work to earn money. It is true, I can bet that more than half of the population wouldn't go to their workplaces if there wasn't a check waiting for them. Despite
this
, we spend an eight-hour day at work, and it is unhealthy to spend that much time in a toxic environment and doing tasks that are dull. In conclusion, nowadays, it is known that money is not everything at work. some still feel that it is the only and the most crucial aspect of a workplace.
However
, as long as we will do what we are interested in, "at the office", we can have decent lives.
Submitted by weronika07022 on

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task achievement
Your essay presents a clear and relevant response to the task. However, it would benefit from the inclusion of more specific examples or case studies to strengthen your argument.
coherence cohesion
While your ideas are clear and overall well-structured, there is a need for a smoother transition between points. Consider using linking phrases such as 'on the other hand', 'furthermore', or 'consequently' to improve the flow of your essay.
coherence cohesion
Proofread your essay for minor grammatical errors and awkward phrasing. For example, 'juveniles' is more commonly used in legal contexts rather than academic or general writing when referring to young adults.
coherence cohesion
You provided a logical structure to your essay, with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion, which is great for readability.
task achievement
The main points were supported well, and there is a balanced discussion of both sides of the argument.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • informed decisions
  • democratic participation
  • mental health
  • stress and anxiety
  • accountability
  • misinformation
  • balanced approach
  • accessibility
  • engagement
  • political awareness
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