Some feel that individuals today spend too much time following political news while others feel politics deserves greater attention. Discuss both sides and give your own opinion.

#feel #individuals #time #news #politics #attention

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It is believed by some individuals, that young adults need the careers that they are dreaming of, but others disagree with that, and advise them to be more careful and choose occupations that will give them decent lives.

This

Linking Words

essay agrees with the first statement that juveniles should choose what they really like. Young people should choose the profession that they want. Our job is something that most of us will probably do for more than 30 years. So, in my opinion, everyone should do what they love doing, because we only live once. Satisfaction is more important than a paycheck. A few years ago, there was research in Germany, which showed, that people who have hobbies as their job are more satisfied in life.

However

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, many disagree with it and think that you go to work to earn money. It is true, I can bet that more than half of the population wouldn't go to their workplaces if there wasn't a check waiting for them. Despite

this

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, we spend an eight-hour day at work, and it is unhealthy to spend that much time in a toxic environment and doing tasks that are dull. In conclusion, nowadays, it is known that money is not everything at work. some still feel that it is the only and the most crucial aspect of a workplace.

However

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, as long as we will do what we are interested in, "at the office", we can have decent lives.

Submitted by weronika07022 on Mon Sep 23 2024

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task achievement

Your essay presents a clear and relevant response to the task. However, it would benefit from the inclusion of more specific examples or case studies to strengthen your argument.

coherence cohesion

While your ideas are clear and overall well-structured, there is a need for a smoother transition between points. Consider using linking phrases such as 'on the other hand', 'furthermore', or 'consequently' to improve the flow of your essay.

coherence cohesion

Proofread your essay for minor grammatical errors and awkward phrasing. For example, 'juveniles' is more commonly used in legal contexts rather than academic or general writing when referring to young adults.

coherence cohesion

You provided a logical structure to your essay, with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion, which is great for readability.

task achievement

The main points were supported well, and there is a balanced discussion of both sides of the argument.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

Paragraph 1 - Introduction

Sentence 1 - Background statement
Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
Sentence 3 - Thesis
Sentence 4 - Outline sentence

Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

Sentence 1 - Summary
Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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2
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
0
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 4.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 9.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 9.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

243 words

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Topic Vocabulary:

informed decisions
democratic participation
mental health
stress and anxiety
accountability
misinformation
balanced approach
accessibility
engagement
political awareness

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Some feel that individuals today spend too much time following political news while others feel politics deserves greater attention. Discuss both sides and give your own opinion.

Fully explain your ideas

Governments should spend money on railways rather than roads. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

Today more and more people want things instanly. Why is this ? Is it positive or negative development ?

Every year several Ianuages die out. Some people think that this is not important because life will be easier if there are fewer languages in the world. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

In some countries young people are encouraged to work or travel for a year between finishing high school and starting university studies. Discuss the advantages and disadvantages for young people who decide to do this.

Many countries are struggling with increases in crime rates and some think that having more police on the streets is the best way to reduce these increasing levels of crime. To what extent do you agree or disagree?