IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4.5

Task 2: Education of young people is highly prioritized in many countries. However, educating adults who cannot write or read is even more important and governments should spend more money on this. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#education #people #countries #adults #governments #money
In the modern world, some people argue that
government
Correct article usage
the government
show examples
 should invest in
adults
Change the noun form
adult
show examples
 education, especially
the
Change preposition
for the
show examples
 illiterate,
while
other
Fix the agreement mistake
others
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 believe that authorities should take priority young people over
them
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
. In my point of view,
support
Wrong verb form
supporting
show examples
 youngsters’
financial
Replace the word
finances
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 would be more reasonable. Without a doubt, education is a weapon and it should be prioritized for children.
The adolescence
Correct article usage
Adolescence
show examples
still
Add a missing verb
are still
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 young and have more opportunities to study higher when they graduate. They have self-learning
ability
Fix the agreement mistake
abilities
show examples
 and
also
 can
pick-up
Correct your spelling
pick up
show examples
 knowledge at
such
Correct quantifier usage
apply
show examples
an early age. If giving them more
chance
Fix the agreement mistake
chances
show examples
 to
further
 their field of knowledge, they would bring back welfare and contribute to their home nation’s economy, education or develop
industrial
Change the adjective
industrially
show examples
.
For example
, some developing countries
such
 as Vietnam and Thailand have government scholarships for teenagers with difficult circumstances to study overseas.
Although
, there should not be anyone who can not be able to read or write. Recently, in many remote areas, some
adult
Fix the agreement mistake
adults
show examples
 can not afford and do not have enough access to go to school, which
make
Correct subject-verb agreement
makes
show examples
 them illiterate and some of them are unemployed.
Therefore
, if state
agency
Fix the agreement mistake
agencies
show examples
 pay money for them to attend
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
school and learn
read
Fix the infinitive
to read
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 and write,
this
 problem can be solved. In
United
Correct article usage
the United
show examples
 States, there are many schools for homeless people or those who live in shelters as literacy is a gateway to a job or promotion, a driver’s license, citizenship, voting, or simply not feeling helpless when presented with
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
instructions on a medicine container or a note from a child’s school. In conclusion, personally, I reckon that
government
Correct article usage
the government
show examples
 should privilege children
to educate
Verb problem
apply
show examples
rather than
for
Change preposition
apply
show examples
adults.
Submitted by changbiu on

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task achievement
Ensure that your essay includes clear and fully developed ideas to strengthen the argument. This can be achieved by adding more specific examples and explanations for your points.
coherence cohesion
Improve logical structure by clearly connecting your points within and between paragraphs. This will make your essay easier to follow.
general
Pay attention to grammar and sentence structure to improve readability. Try to avoid minor errors such as incorrect article usage and verb agreement.
coherence cohesion
You have presented a clear stance in the introduction and conclusion, which gives a strong impression of your viewpoint.
task achievement
You included relevant examples to support your argument, which enhances the credibility of your points.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • literacy programs
  • functional illiteracy
  • social mobility
  • inter-generational poverty
  • workforce development
  • economic growth
  • social cohesion
  • public health
  • civic participation
  • resource allocation
  • national development
What to do next:
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