IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3.5

Some parents think that childcare centres provide the best services for children of preschool age. other working parents think that family members such as grandparents will be better carers for their kids. Discuss both views and give ur opinion

#parents #childcare #centres #services #children #age #members #grandparents #carers #kids #ur
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A significant amount of parents presume that childcare centres provide the best care for infants.
While
 some other parents
due to
 their various work schedules are of the opinion that extended family members will do better. I will be shedding light on both views
on
Change preposition
in
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this
 essay. On the one
Hand
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hand
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, Childcare centres provide extra attention to the
kids
 because
staffs
Fix the agreement mistake
staff
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 are employed to do so.They
also
 train the
kids
about
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in
show examples
 preschool activities like reading,painting,singing and writing.
Additionally
, they
also
 train them on basic hygienes and methods to relate among their peers.
For
example
Add a comma
example,
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 my nephew was enrolled at a care centre
down town
Correct your spelling
downtown
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,
this
 improved his ability to adapt faster than
majority
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the majority
a majority
show examples
 of his peers during his schooling days.
On the other hand
, Family members
such
 as grandparents introduce the
kids
 to cultural heritage and society activities at an early age.The
kids
 learn to speak the native language,greetings and other essentials.They
also
 pay attention to the
childrens
Change to a genitive case
children's
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 daily activities because most grandparents are retired and they can dedicate maximum attention
on
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to
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 the children. I am a product of
this
 method,
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
 was able to speak
yoruba
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Yoruba
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 and
temne
Change the capitalization
Temne
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 languages at an early age because my grandpa is a
yoruba
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Yoruba
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 man and my grandma is a
temne
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Temne
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 woman. In my opinion, I concur with parents who think that childcare centres
gives
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give
show examples
 the best services.
Submitted by adeyanjuroke123 on

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task achievement
Ensure all sentences are grammatically correct and avoid minor errors like 'ur' instead of 'your.'
coherence cohesion
Each paragraph should start with a clear topic sentence. For instance, 'On the one hand' could be 'Firstly, childcare centres provide...'
coherence cohesion
Provide a more developed conclusion that summarizes the key points discussed in the essay.
task achievement
The essay addresses both views as requested and provides a clear opinion.
task achievement
Good use of examples to illustrate points, making the argument more compelling.
coherence cohesion
The essay contains an introduction and conclusion, making the structure complete.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Childcare centres
  • Preschool age
  • Working parents
  • Carers
  • Structured environment
  • Socialisation
  • Early childhood education
  • Cognitive development
  • Motor skills
  • Emotional connection
  • Traditions
  • Continuity
  • Flexibility
  • Caregivers
  • Professional care
  • Family involvement
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