IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

In modern life, it is no longer necessary to use animals as food and in other products like clothing and medicines. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#life #animals #food #products #medicines
Is it right to say that animals are no
more
Rephrase
longer
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 essential for the production of eatables, fabric and medicines? In
this
 contemporary
era
Add a comma
era,
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 people
shift
Wrong verb form
have shifted
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 their interest towards veganism and I
am strongly agree
Change the verb form
strongly agree
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 with
this
 perspective. The following paragraphs will elaborate my point of view with supporting evidence. To start with, it is
undeniable
Correct article usage
an undeniable
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 fact that meat is not known as
well
Add an article
a well
the well
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renowned
Correct your spelling
well-renowned
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 source of
protien
Correct your spelling
protein
 for no reason. Historically, human beings were mostly dependent on animal meat to get a
full of nutrients
Add a hyphen
full-of-nutrients
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 diet. But as
the
Correct article usage
apply
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time evolves,
plant based
Add a hyphen
plant-based
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alteratives
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alternatives
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 are discovered with equal nutritional values.
Furthermore
,
dietry
Correct your spelling
dietary
 products like milk, egg,
cheese
Correct word choice
and cheese
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 can be produced in labs which
is
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are
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 not
diffrentiable
Correct your spelling
differentiable
with
Change preposition
from
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 the natural taste.
Moreover
, its ingredients
has
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have
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 lesser fat and higher calcium value than the original ones. To cite an example,
a
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apply
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research has been done by BBC in 2018, reveals that 60%
Indians
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of Indians
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 started using processed cheese and
powder
Wrong verb form
powdered
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 milk and they have better health conditions than others who
relies
Change the verb form
rely
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 on meat.
Therefore
, killing animals is really not required to fulfil human
being
Unnecessary verb
apply
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food demands. Probing
further
, it can be said that, previously
the
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apply
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winter fabrics like wool, faux fur and leather
are
Wrong verb form
were
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 derived from the Fauna skin and their bones
are
Wrong verb form
were
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 used for preparing medications. But as the era changed, folks
shift
Wrong verb form
shifted
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 their interest
being
Change preposition
in being
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 vegetarian. So, the advancement in engineering find
the
Correct article usage
apply
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alternative sources like
plant based
Add a hyphen
plant-based
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 leather, generating shag from cotton and
discover
Wrong verb form
discovering
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 synthetic drugs for
the
Correct article usage
apply
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human
wellbeing
Correct your spelling
well-being
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.
Additionally
, most of the religions are against the animal hunting activities
. .
Replace the punctuation
.
...
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For instance
, an article in "The
tribune
Capitalize word
Tribune
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" written by
editor-inchief
Correct your spelling
editor-in chief
editor-in-chief
Mr.
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Mr
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 Walker on the topic "Vegetarian community" in 2018, stated that 38%
Change preposition
of sikhs
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sikhs
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Sikhs
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 in the world
not
Add a missing verb
do not
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 wear and eat
animal based
Add a hyphen
animal-based
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 products.
As a result
, the use of wildlife is no more required in the production of cloth and medications. In conclusion,
although
 we can produce flesh, high quality leather from animals
but
Remove the conjunction
apply
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there is no compromise with the pious views of human
being
Fix the agreement mistake
beings
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.
Also
,
eradication
Correct article usage
the eradication
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 of creatures is not an ethical practice. We have quality alternatives to fulfil our basic needs like food ,clothes and medications so there is no need to
diturb
Correct your spelling
disturb
 wildlife.
Submitted by knavdeep3011 on

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task achievement
Your task response is generally strong. You address the prompt effectively and provide relevant examples to support your points. To improve, try to include more varied examples and expand on counterarguments to create a balanced view.
coherence cohesion
Your essay is logical and easy to follow, but there are some areas where sentence structures could be improved for clarity. Consider using a wider range of linking words and phrases to enhance cohesion between your paragraphs and ideas.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has a clear introduction and conclusion which helps in setting a solid framework for your arguments.
task achievement
You provide specific examples, like the BBC research and The Tribune article, which add credibility to your arguments.
What to do next:
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